Sunday, December 31, 2006
A girl talking to her BF by the roadside:
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No...
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: Not really...
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: Nope
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: Hell No...
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: Of coz no...
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No...
Girl: What would you choose: your life...or me?
Boy: I choose My Life
The girl runs away with such shock and pain in her heart
but the boy run after her and shouted loudly....
"The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind...
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you...
The reason I don't want you is because I need you...
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left me...
The reason wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you...
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you... The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life..."
however, you never know that i was willing to do all these for you.
cause in the first place,
you never know that i love you,
loved you right from the beinning.<3
rampage and terror;
1:42 AM
Friday, December 29, 2006
ROARS~ outing wth recess babes tomorrow. yayness.
oh wells, my net is kinda sucky now and is driving me nuts. sch is reopening in less than 5 days. yay. get to see my class and the new intake of jc1 peeps. esp that kim walkerman. ha! yesterday was studying at bishan with cs and qy. ended up we gossiped away for quite a while. abt all the flirts, chiobus, irritating ppl and stuffs.but hey, i got complete quite an amount of work. yay.
went for hair cut todae. tsk. think i look like a small ger instead of a ku niang. my mum love it though=/
then went imm to see the photos. hais. my heart broke again. i hate it cos my dad keep taking the opposite font. i know i am last on the list. hais. been trying to control this feel of my for not being the perfect child. but neither do i haf the ability to be one. barely near.
my life is in a mess.
another thought: geetting married. oooo i so hope to get married in the future. then makes me think of the guy that i want. aiya be realistic and admit that there is no perfect guy. i know i know. i will keep my prince charming in my heart*kisses.=)
but lets be realistic, we may want and seek for love. however we also have to ask if is this guy worth loving or do we have a happy ending together.
because sometimes we find that even if we do fall in love with someone, we cannot accept the man is because we know we have no ending at all. sometimes we seek his love (jus so naturally), but sometimes we try to draw the distance so that we will protect ourselves and not get hurt. is such a dilema.
anyway, was waiting for some smses to come in. but none came. oh wells. i dunno. been blowing hot and cold. i also dunno wat to do or respond.
i guess i jus have to make a mental note to myself to jus mind my business and stop irritating the others. tsk. buzzz off i go~
rampage and terror;
11:31 PM
Monday, December 25, 2006
merryy christmas ppl.
the month of giving.
had a pleasant surprise today. my long lost friend came to visit. with presents.
sat down and talk. catched up on a lot of things. feels great to see him again.
and realli special sorry to angel for not being able to meet you last min.
i know you not veri happy and neither do you wanna tell me.
cheers ppl.
next sun. hais.
rampage and terror;
11:25 PM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
boohoohoo.
someone is leaving singapore. oh wells, have a safe trip ahead. i will be enjoying four days of peace.
lols. just remember my presents k. jeremy also...=)
ya ok i know you want hear... i will miss all your nonsense too.
oh wells. been a busy week. chingay chingay chingay.
talking at chingay makes me pissed. kenna backstab. wth. i did my part ok biach. fcuk off.
and talking abt getting pissed, the delivery man also made me pissed. called one and a half hour late. and expect me to go collect the food. like wth. hellos? u didnt called to update me that you will be late ok? and now u expect me to collect the food? u no sense of responsibility loh... u sae ur boss will scold you stupid. of course lars... u stupid. should haf informed me beforehand right? wth. want me collect the food then want me throw into the sea ar?
i am veri upset recently.. abt all these stuffs. and heaven is crying for me. tsk.
oh wells, like wat i said there are so many things that i cant grasp.
is not easy to be me. i just realise that even simple things you also cant trust ppl.
like turning up for meetings and stuffs.
wat has happened to the human species?
i dunno. i am so sick and tired of the way things are being to unfold before my eyes.
zzz.
ok enough of sad stuffs.
wats happy stuffs going on?
oh ya.. someone is leaving singapore! lols. worth celebrating ya? lols.
jus joking ya? jus come back in one piece.
sch is reopening in one to two weeks time. woot.
kinda look forward to it. yay.
gonna cut my hair.=)
ok jus some random stuffs.
tata
rampage and terror;
2:00 AM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
wat a wet dae. went to sun-tec kuwishing bo to eat. dunno how to spell. was fantastic.
ok someone realli pissed me off todae.
landed me in shit.argh. i am so gonna prove to you for common tests. argh.
stop ordering me around. i wont listen to all ur bloody bullshit anymore.
i " can hardly wait" till tomorrow's bbq. zzz. next time class outing pls do not ask me to organise. i die die wont organise anymore of it.
i wanna go jump in the sea.=(
rampage and terror;
11:59 PM
saw someone wrote for u. "hope u and her get married"
then i wondered. wat abt me? haf i totally become extinct in ur world? in ur memories?
cant a 8 year friendship withstand anything?
dun you remembered when u landed in the hospital who was there for u?
keeping slient and not confessing anything doesnt speak for itself.
since the start of this year, u drifted away from me. 2006 hasnt been a great year for me. like wat ys said, it was one wave after another. too many things fo me to grasp.emotional concerns. yet i couldnt see u beside me at all. wat happened to all ur promises? 2007 is approaching and is also gonna be an even tougher year for me. are you not going to be there for me at all? must you wait till the day something really happen to me before you willing to see me? i realli miss all those times we had together, like talking in the streets till 3am. if i have to die to see you, then tell me. it was the greatest regret i had in life. i dunno why i didnt face reality. i jus didnt. i cant ask for more. but just ask u not to ignore me anymore. pls... is not that i dun want to find u. is just that i cant seem to find you at all. things have changed so drastically. i can only blame myself.
speacial nites to angel. take care ya? drink more water.
i dun want lose another close one.=)
and HAPPY BIRTHDAE QINGYU!
bless you and adrian.
envy both of u ya?=)
rampage and terror;
1:37 AM
Saturday, December 16, 2006
i totally love my new blogskin.
someone asked me wat i wanna do with my future.
i haf no idea. i dunno wat decisions to make.
which one will be right and which will be wrong.
i am jus filled with regret, guilt and sorry.
sorry for my actions.
sorry for hurting anyone.
sorry for having such a tough life.
is jus one wave after another.
rampage and terror;
1:53 AM
Friday, December 15, 2006
so tired. todae was supposed to go to smrt headquarters for some programm. guess wat time i woke up? 8.15. and i was suppose to meet qy they all at 8.30. how great.
practically slept through the whole of the lecture. ah pek was like sleeping very openly with his mouth wide open-.-
had a small quiz at the end of the lecture. dang. got 19/25. so i am a qualified volunteer to help out when there is an emergency?
next fri, 22nd dec is some practical session. dangs. and i haf chingay leaders training. argh.
ok is i ownself kill myself one. wanted to tire myself out durng hols. first time hearing such stuffs huh. and i so badly wanna study. somehow jus... argh. i am so angry with myself for procastinating.
now i got ogl, chingay, fund raising. dang dang dang. sc realli sucks. pardon me. zzz. erebus rocks though.
these few days been thinking a lot. too much for my puny brain in fact.
hais.i got so many questions yet no proper ans at all.
my head is going to explode with all these stuffs.argh.
i dunno wats the right decision and whether my decisions are worth it.
i cant explain certain stuffs, certain views, certain feelings.
i cant predict wats gonna happen. i dun even wanna know wat will happen.
hols are ending yet i haven achieve much.
dang dag dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang.
rampage and terror;
11:43 AM
Thursday, December 14, 2006
whoo!! new blogskin. hope all readers like it.
anyway, things are happening at such a fast pace. cant realli grasp it.
so many things bottled up within me.
part of me realli wanna leave sr, leave singapore and start everything anew somewhere else.
but i know is kinda impossible.
it is now raining. feels like heaven is also crying for me.=(
oh wells, life is getting tougher.
rampage and terror;
12:36 AM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
ok i am back once again. cos mainly i cant find any other output. dun mind this post either pls.
we all face setbacks in life. causes us to be emotional.
all the things that has happened within the past month till now realli took a toll on me.
perphas is a test from heavens above to see if i am strong on the inside and the outside. well, you have seen the results. i have been trying to put on a brave font in front of everyone. so that people wont keep asking for the reasons. trying to show the whole world that i, christabel heng wont collaspe and will always be a happy person. i have a happy life and will always look on the bright side of life. but i have to admit, no matter how strong i wanna look in front of my friends, as though i dun need any support or watsoever, deep within, i realli need someone to listen to me and all my bullshit. i need a support to cling onto.
the tension within me broke todae. i couldnt stand it any longer. i had to vomit all the emotions from within out of me. i totally broke todae.
heaven set so many tests for me. this one is a tougher one. lately i have become more emo, more tempremental.
wish i am by the seaside now. and scream my entire lungs out. let the boundless sea engulf my saddness.
everyone is busy with ogl and cca and other stuffs. some sae too tired.. how can i selfishly go disturb their sleep.
sometimes i jus wished i can sae everything i hid deep within me to someone.
sometimes i jus wished i would not have such a heavy responsibility to carry.
sometimes i jus wished i was not christabel heng.
i am really mentally drained, emotionally tired.
is no wonder sometimes my imagination runs wild.
there is no need for cheer up tags or wat.
jus voicing out wat i feeling within.
i find it so hard to talk to you nowadays.
rampage and terror;
11:29 PM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
all i just want is to have you beside me. but apprently u dun seem to understand that i needed someone, needed you, needed a shoulder.
there are some things that i cant sae it straight from my mouth. there are some things that i have to hide beneath.
rampage and terror;
2:01 AM
