Monday, October 30, 2006
confusion wraped her heart and mind.
misleading clues lead her to nowhere.
she was lost in a thick forest.
the sun is setting.
darkness setting in.
the surroundings engulfed her.
she didnt know where to start off.
she didnt know which road will lead her home.
or which road will lead her further into this maze.
her legs are worn and tired.
her stomach growling with hunger and thirst.
weariness covered her mind.
she couldnt see where she was going
or rather, where she wanted to go.
rampage and terror;
1:29 AM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
actions u choose, consequences u don't
got this from ah pek's blog.
is veri true isn't it?
we can choose the way we think, we act, we infer
but no matter wat we do to haf the results we want, things doesnt turn out to be that way.
there are bound to be some "invincible external factor" that will change the way things are.
i also dunno wat is that.
luck?
destiny?
fate?
sometimes it is also the way other parties involved behave.
i cant confirm that things will turn out the way i want.
but i really did all i can to avoid the undesired.
a lesson learnt from previous experience maybe still hasn't taught me enough.
or maybe afterall i am fated to meet things this way.
two nights ago, was talking to yao guai.
then at night suddenly was emo again.
everything came rushing back.
all those memories.
if onli things were as perfect as it used to be.
things were back to wat it used to be.
or even better, if those memories didnt happen at all...
however, i know no matter how badly how desperate i want thins to be reversed,
it can never happen again.
things already happened. we have all made our choices. so i have to bear the consequences.
but haf u ever thot the decision i made was under the circumstances that i do not haf a choice?
to protect myself from further misery, i had to do things this way although i dun want to?
to small fish, u may think i am a selfish person who refuses to give all an equal chance and tt it is unfair to you, pls understand that i cant help it this time. i refuse to haf the same thing happen again. and this time, i haf to protect myself first. me!before anybody else. u may turn hostile towards me. maybe u cant help it.
but no one will ever understand wat i have gone through and am going through.
rampage and terror;
3:27 PM
whee!
i am back to update more on outing.
first ice skating.
had fun. though was pretty short while tt i ice skate.
made zq fell twice! woot. and des fell once.
des!!made me fall also..zz. and when we were taking photos, wa the guys damn heavy lars. lean on the gers. lols. i couldnt take their weight. end up kneeling on the ice. was quite croweded btw.
hope they all had fun. came out with tired aching feet.
then we went to shawn's house fo bBQ!
woot. eat play talk and make noise!!
ms cew came for a while! yay man!
cut bdae cake.
then after some of us started to play heart attack.
woot damn fun.
tension was built up cos the gers were screaming and zq keep saying 1234 pass..
su even threw her cards across the table when someone shouted heart attack!lols.
damn exciting.
shall post some pics when i get them. tata. tts all for now.
any s6 peeps pls give some feedback.
btw i forget to eat the ice cream ms chew bought!!!
rampage and terror;
1:42 PM
Friday, October 27, 2006
27 oct 2006.
happie birthdae to monster.
hope he likes the present.although i haven given to him.
todae, or rather yesterdae was commendation dae.
woot! s6 received a huge and i meant realli huge hamper. filled with chocos!
yum.
william was like so sad his wasnt jus as big. lols. was a funnie sight.
then we headed down to ps to buy presents.
and as usual des is acting girly in public. haha.
cheer up des. dun let it get you down anymore!
later will be waking up at like 5 to bake cookies.
then heading down to jurong to ice skate!
yay! then BBQ! woot. looking forward to it! will report on the success rate later. lols.
and chew yihao pls ask me earlier cans?
not tt i dun want go out with u leh. u always ask wrong time. lols.
it is ur attitude tt will change ur life.
rampage and terror;
12:24 AM
Monday, October 23, 2006
BOORING!
sian i am going mad.
so mani ppl dun want to come for class gathering!
so is it still considered a class gathering?
beginning still got ppl say confirm will go. how we gg to bond like tt?
all the jokers not coming for ice skating. qy cant make it for the BBQ
and i dunno the rest.. like ck joel...
suddenly find that my daily life has lost all its essence.
no fun. no happiness. nothing. jus empty.
i am not depressed lars.
i was jus looking through some photos like the sands of mission.
then i realise my smile then as compared to now looked more real.
like as though i was realli happie at that time.
but then now, i suddenly cant realli smile from the bottom of my heart.
but then again, those times were indeed different from the way things are now.
everything has turned an 180 degress within a flash of the eye.
i cant grasp anything right now.
i am still trying to get used to the way things are.
and how it will always remain like tt.
i could only stare and yet i cant do anything.
i know i sometimes am running away from reality.
but at least it brings a certain degree of comfort to me. and i mean avoiding the person.
not avoidng the facts.
des was saying things that you want to forget u cant and things that u want to keep within urself u eventually forget.
i cant agree more.
of course, things that hurts u the most and u want to forget them, they will always be craved deep within ur inner soul.
and things that you cherish, sometimes it will jus slip off ur mind.
i got a lot of entangled feelings within me. and i realli need to get them off my chest.
no sense of direction or aims to achieve.
i jus waiting mainly for chingay to start.
and holiday lectures.
and holiday homework.
u asked me wat i think of you.
but i cant answer for i dun even know who u realli are.
rampage and terror;
11:30 PM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
HAZE
stupid haze is still here.
and stupid pw is not over yet.
oo!! i cant wait till this coming fri!
pls come faster but dun end so faster either!!
i wanna prove myself to be strong.
i wanna prove that i can live without you.
i wanna prove to the world not to mess with me!
argh!
yay! fri gg ice skate. then having a BBQ.
but a pity not the entire class can turn up together.
as in some can come for this but cant come for that.
27oct. i dunno if things will still remain the same annot.
where we will talk under the moon abt anything.
laugh our hearts out and our butts off.
almost 8 years le!! time flies ya? and we have all gone through many things.
but will we still remain the same?
a quote from barry:
Jim Rohn: To every thing there is a season, and to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; …A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance…A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.
there is a time for everything.
but we are racing against time.
will we ever be in time ma?
the most cruel thing is to give false hope and only to take it away at the most critical moment.
first you gave someone life, then u jus pushed death straight into their face.
cos you didnt realise how much that person cherish that one glimsp of hope.
how much they wanted to be alive and how much they put their soul and heart into it.
rampage and terror;
10:38 PM
LIFE IS SO SO SO UNFAIR!
BUT I WILL FIND MY STRENGTH ONE DAE.
WAIT FOR ME.
rampage and terror;
1:36 AM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
ding dong~
i am back once again.
and another sat wasted.
feeling empty inside. with no sense of direction.
someone asked why i can still smile at this point of time.
then wat can i do?
bawl in front of the world and scold and curse that someone?
deep within my heart is a gushing rushing waterfall.
deep within me i realli want to hate that someone for doing this to me.
but can it solve the prob ma?
can it put back the broken pieces?
can it reverse back time?
can it pick me up from my fall instantly?
can things have a different ending?
i can onli wear a smile, so that i wont pass my saddness to others.
so that the one suffering retribution for her actions will only be me.
and not my innocent friends.
i know at tis point of time, i will be depressed, sad, sucidial or all those negative feelings.
but i also know one dae i will be able to be back to wat i was.
i am trying to control my emo.
and i pray hard that that very dae,
when i forget abt the past,
when i forget abt the pain,
when i forget abt my misery,
when i forget how unfair life can be,
when i forget how my heart once bled,
will come soon.
i will welcome it with my arms wide open.
and the brightest smile i can ever give.
if that is ur punishment for treating me this way,
then why am i suffering the same way as u do?
i didnt mistreat u or anything.
in fact i put my heart and soul into it.
but u, knowing well enough abt urself, led me on.
and onli now admitting the truth and ask me to hate u?
why now?
why didnt u jus stopped urself from the beginning and spare me this torment i am going through now?
why ask me to hate u now? and wat, make myself miserable?
a quote from someone:
if something is precious to you, even if you lose your life, with these two arms, you will protect it.
rampage and terror;
7:46 PM
Friday, October 20, 2006
right.
here i am back again.
i am realli sorrie for the previous post. i know it is so.. emo depressed and stuffs.
=)
but i realli need an output at that moment.
everything was shattered at that every moment.
every image, thots, dreams, my faith in you.
i realli want to have you out of my life.
but at the same time i cant bear? wats this man.zzz=/
i am feeling pretty stress over pw. zzz
getting rather short tempered nowadays.
but heng i have no sudden outburst in sch. at least for now.
i need to be occupied during the nov and dec hols besides the usual " studying".
i need some stuffs to occupy my puny brain.
heng the hols is coming soon.
i can go out occassionally to unwind my freaking moodswings as defined by some.
i realli need a good break from my life.
i want to feel as carefree as ever.
with only problems regarding sch work. and no others.
life and death,
together and apart,
is all part and parcel of life.
i want to sae to my dearest friend teo tze yin:
ya i believe ur grandmother is at somewhere else feeling no pain.
i am sorrie abt the loss of her ya? but nonetheless i hope u can still smile that lovely smile of yours.
to brighten the world. =)
i sincerely wish all the best for ur family. ur dad, mom, sis and last but not least YOU.
although we are not friends who haven known each other for years and years,
my times in cedar has been wonderful because of you and the rest of the family.
so at the same time, if any of you sees this, i jus want to sae of u haf any obstacles in front of you,
hang on in there ya?
we may all get a little discourage at the beginning. so do i. but i believe one dae we will regain our faith.
lets jus pray hard that dae will come soon.
smthg to look forward to.
having a class BBQ at shawn house this coming fri.
finally! an activity to cheer me up?
hope we will have lots of fun. and take mani pictures.
a lonely figure walking down the shore.
kicking the waves
screaming into the sky
to tell god of her misery
and ask him to take them all away.
to mend all the broken pieces.
and pick her up from her fall.
piggy back her when she is tired.
to give her faith once again.
in life.
in people.
<3>
rampage and terror;
10:47 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
i hereby declare christabel as in idiot! a freaking stupid idiot!
to believe everything she thought was true.
to believe everything was so perfect.
to believe she made the right decision.
to believe she met the right person.
to believe she was never wrong.
it seems not to be this way.
everything was way out of line.
everything was not as perfect as she thought it was.
she wasnt innocent. she wasnt navie. she was plain stupid. no other excuses.
her life sucks!!
argh. i realli want to scold the hell out of christabel now.
I REALLI WANT TO BOMB HER BRAINS OUT OF HER MIND NOW!!
I REALLI WANT TO KICK HER ASS NOW AND ASK HER TO WAKE UP!!
STOP LIVING IN A FANTASY AND START LIVING IN REALITY.
BLOODY FOOL! WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN YOUR LESSON!?
WILL U FCUKING WAKE UP FROM UR DREAMS!!?
ARGH!
the pain.
the heartache.
the misery.
the in-describle feeling inside her.
the truth hurts. realli hurts. hurts her to the core.
she feels herself breaking into a milion zillion pieces.
she should have sought the advices of her friends at the beginning.
she should not have followed her heart.
she should have followed her brains.
she should have followed reality.
but wat a pity,
for she already landed herself in such a pathetic state.
it is too late for remedy.
only in time for her to pick herself up.
she realli want to cry her eyes out now.
she realli want a car to run her down now.
she realli want to meet angel, a real angel to bring her up to heaven.
red stands for anger.
but here, red stands for the blood seeping out of her heart..
rampage and terror;
10:13 PM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
boo!
results all came flooding back todae.
felt darn proud of my gp onli. lols.
but gladly i shld be able to get promoted.
and i was kind of over excited. so anyhow shoot my mouth off and end up offending ppl. -.-
lols. wth.
and i pretty happie cos like a lot of my friends will be able to advance or promote! yay!
so we will still be pretty much seeing each other next year ya?! yay!!
anyway planning a class outing next week. having a bbq in the night. morning dunno doing wat. nthg much is veri confirmed though. but alot ppl has shown their interest. yay! must be a success. of not later ppl complain.=/
stupid pw is draining me out. i dunno why i simply have no time for chi!
the stupid haze made me sick somemore. darn. how to present.
damn stress. cant wait for the excat hols to come. which is like one year later.
cos hol still haf lectures, haf ogl camp, haf chingay!! simply no time.
and i must realli discipline myself. lols. tsk.
rampage and terror;
9:58 PM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
well.
the world is definitely changing. without i even noticing it.
haha.
appearances can be deciving all right.
beneath that pretty face of urs was actually a devil with a black heart. stunned*
talked to my son last night.
lols pardon me i got too mani family around.
we known each other for 11 years le. wa tts a pretty long time ya. haha.
we know each other so well that we exceeded the friendship and stuffs.
tts wat we call FAMILY!
been almost 2 to 3 months since we last met and talked.
last time we met at the esplanade watching the fireworks.
ya those times... are long over le.
talked for like.. 3 to 4 hours?
lols. we had lots to bullshit about.
talked abt this and that. glad to see u doing well in na.
and cheers up ya? lols. not worth it at all.=)
and bad news tomorrow is doom dae!
gonna get back all my results.
sian. hope chrismond will be right.
hope i can get promoted. darn is so scary. =(
and thanks to qy for sending me the zq video. lols.
rather fake but entertaining.
one last cry (for me) delicated to YOU
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus: One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry Cry......
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Repeat Chorus
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry
Repeat Chorus
I guess I'm down I guess I'm down I guess I'm down... To my last cry...
rampage and terror;
11:17 PM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
wat if i onli left one dae to live?
i wonder wat god was thinking,
when he arranged things to happen this way.
ps no offence to anyone's religion. jus referring in general ya?
i think i will be damn shocked and sad.
one dae to live. so short.
there is still so mani things that i want to do in this world.
and i know i may start feeling full of remose. that i didnt cherish my past.
but honestly in the present when we dunno that we haf onli one dae left to live,
would we even reflect on our past? we wont even know we are dying and we continue to take things for granted.
they sae that when things are perfect, heaven gets jealous.
realli ma? isnt heaven somewhere where u can get watever u want?
if so, why is there a need to get jealous?
why is there a need to take away things that we want and love?
if i only left one dae to live,
i would wanna tell monster that i haf always loved him.the dae that he nearly died i know that i needed him.
i would wanna tell my friends that i loved them too and i would bless them from above.
i would thank god for giving me such a warm caring family.
i would wanna take a plane and touch the clouds.
i would wanna see a rainbow.
i would wanna eat candy floss. as much as i can.
i would wanna go down to disneyland. to see mic and minnie. and all my other fav cartoon characters.
i would wanna fly down to australia to see my grandaunt.
i would wanna ride a horse on a big green field.
i would wanna see the stars at night with monster.
i would wanna see the sunrise and sunset in his arms.
i would wanna walk down the beach barefooted.
i would wanna fly a kite.
i would wanna build the biggest ( not the longest) sandcastle in the world.
i would wanna take a cable car.
i would wanna take a parachute.
i would wanna ice skate in a big rink where snow flakes would fall gently over my head.
i would wanna walk down a stage where everyone would look at me.
i would wanna play with barbie. lols.
i would wanna go wake boarding.
i would wanna play fetch with a dog.
i would wanna swim with the dolphins.
i would wanna go down to the zoo.
i would wanna make jisaw puzzles.
i would wanna take the mattress and slide down the stairs.
i would wanna...
and the list goes on.
there is so much to do yet so little time.
i can realli fulfil all my wants ma?
i know i may sound like someone with a deprived childhood.
but thats where the innocence begins.
thats where the purest of character, laughter and happiness can be found.
no lies.
no fakeness.
no selfishness.
nthg.
jus the purest of the human nature.
where u can jus trust everyone...
where i can trust u...
rampage and terror;
10:22 PM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
throat pain
running nose
aching limbs
feeling hot and cold
FEVER! is coming soon...
tsk.sian.
todae went back to sch for the second half of the leadership programme.
so sian can..
everyone was like super tired.
got some super childish people also.. zzz.
and i think yihao and sharon realli make a perfect pair.. lols.
they realli veri pei he..
was laughing my butt off at their lame replies. hahas.
then rush home for tuition.
neo said that s6 100% pass..
yay!! well done s6.
and 83% got A and B..wa..
so i figured out that the remaining 100-83=17% has my share in it.
hais.
des got an E for chem. stunned the world.
hahas.
veri disappointed in the way things turned out to be.
gam ba tae christabel!
so tired and aching.
rampage and terror;
6:46 PM
Friday, October 13, 2006
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with y our smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
ohwells. my life is definitely screwed up this entire year. studies, love, dreams and the list goes on.
6 is definitely not my fav no.
i hope 2007 wld be a better one.
with more wonderful memories, enjoyable times, fulfilling life.
everything happens for a reason.
but i simply cant comprehend them.
zzz.
i dun understand why need happen this way, or why need happen so mani times.
dun take things for granted.
i never did.
so why has things turned out this way?
i see the people around me picking themselves up after a fall.
yet why cant i do the same?
i cant control my mind.
is killing me.
in sch i had to pretend i didnt see u or that u were transparent and jus walk by.
life is such a contradiction.
things are getting too complicated.
and i am beginning to lose my control over them.
i wanna focus on studies. i need my "passport" to the uni. i dun want end up in the same situation as pri 6.
i dun want end up sweeping the roadsides.
i wanna fulfil my dreams. my passion. my interest.
i jus want things to go back to wat it used to be.
nthg else.
tts explains todae. 13 oct, fri. super suay dae.
to all jc2 good luck for the upcoming A'levels.
rampage and terror;
8:12 PM
Thursday, October 12, 2006
todae is marking dae.
and the teachers jolly well know abt it.
yet tt sickening ho still ask us come sch to hand in the wr.
some of us were wearing slippers. so we couldnt go in. and to wait under the freaking hot sun.
we exceeded the word count and he was complaining there.
so we wanted to take it back to do some cancellation.
he dun allow!0.O
mon still said was ok.zzz.
make us late for outing.
reached ps mrt late. zzz.
des they all were already waiting.
lols.
headed down to paradiz centre to play pool.
lols.
had a bit of fun. played with des and again i own!
lols. actually is tyco de.. cos the last ball he always hit wrongly de..
haha.. 3 vs 2! yay!
zm keep foul. lols.
the opposite team had plentiful of free ball. haha.
he was there toking rubbish as usual and acting pro. lols. but he always make ppl laugh. haha.
the rest after went to play arcade.. lols.
nearly went crazy shouting.
then headed back to ps to eat bk.
then darn cs scam us to walk back to paradiz centre lars. lols.
his mouth ar.. too powerful le..
tts all for todae loh.
hais sch tomorrow.
why not give us an entire week off leh?
so tired todae leh.. legs aching.
holding onto the fact that i needed to love myself more
before i love others.
rampage and terror;
11:06 PM
hais.
i guess u must be hating me inside for being such a hypocrip or watever u spell it.
i realli didnt mean it.
but i was realli hurting within.
i needed to let it out.
is all in a fit of anger.
i can onli let it out in a waterfall.
i dunno how else to lessen my pain.
to a friend out there:
is realli lucky that u manage to find someone who loves u and is serious abt u.
u shld realli cherish it.
and so do him.
is not everyone's fortune to find someone perfect for them.
and to small fish if u ever read this:
i am so sorry.
i was wrong in both my judgement.
i am afraid to make another mistake.
pls dun wei qu urself.
i know u are a good person.
they both were as i thot in the beginning.
but i was so wrong in the end.
i ended up burning my fingers.
and burnt real bad.
pls, i dun want go through again.
i cant wait for later. gg to play pool with the others.
rampage and terror;
2:01 AM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner.(some friends said i was crazy) Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with(yes i agree). The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person(like duh.but is all no use de). And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (nah my judgement has been terriblily wrong for all)
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships (OF COURSE) and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
You may not like to study (who likes to study?) but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (maybe it is time to change..)
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you. (but pls i dun anyhow accept ppl)
You really care about other people's feelings (everyone has feelings.so do i) and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves( lols. ask des abt this). You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with. (i will try to change ya?)
Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side. (no thanks. i wanna turn les soon)
You desire a love that will last forever (i can go and die. cos it will never exist. face reality). You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone(yes yes. although i haf to let go when i realli like him). Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.
You are self-centered. People around you get tired of trying to please you all the time. You don't care how others feel and everything has to be done your way - this is why you don't have very many friends. Deep down, however, the real you is quite a nice person, and when you like someone, you can be very sincere. So try to think less about yourself and you will eventually be a more popular person. ( wa really ar? zz i must change for the better! so pls dun hate me?)
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends. ( yes i love my friends. =)they haf given me the greatest support in the most difficult situation i am now. and the greatest encouragements to make me feel good again and happie that it has actually happened.although i dun realli feel that way yet.)
You have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.
rampage and terror;
8:35 PM
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
yes
i thot we could be friends at least.
at least thats all i asked for.
but as mins passed i found myself hating u more.
is all in an anger of moment.
god pls take away my pain.
if not take me away.
rampage and terror;
11:11 AM
Monday, October 09, 2006
fantasy?
tts wat everything is..
tts wat i believed in..
and tts wat that hurt me in the end..
STUPIDITY.
CHRISTABEL U ARE THE STOOPIDEST FOOL THERE EVER EXISTED IN THIS UNIVERSE!
argh.
why am i always so stoopid?
why do i always haf to land myself in such a state?
i hate myself.
hate my brain.
why so stoopid?
WHY SO STOOPID!??
by tonight,
when the clock strike 12
and i still see nthg,
i will give up le..
realli give up le..
like how i did in the past.
and given time,
i will pick myself up again.
and must brainwash myself never to land in such a shitty matter anymore. no more!!
ela___ sucks!!
so fake..
so flirt!
go and die.
rampage and terror;
7:28 PM
another dae passed.
did ntg meaning?
samuel chi ba mei shi zhou...
come prank call me..
sian.
tts all?
i lost my direction in life.
someone give me a compass pls?
rampage and terror;
12:46 AM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
hais.
why must quarrel?
why cant we jus agree on smthg.
i hate the way u are behaving now
u think the others are more important that us.
but who is the one standing by ur side all the while?
qurelling jus made matters worst.
u realli think i want u to leave ma?
i hardly even get to talk to u these daes.
u always came back late.
tired from sch i dun want to fan u.
when i need help with my work i try to handle it myself before asking u.
at least 17 years of companion and u now sae u dun enjoy staying here?
that u wana leave?
that u were not happy all these times while?
where have all the innocent and fun times we had together disappear to?
u dun remember ma?
or is u jus choose to throw it away?
but i realli hate the way u are behaving.
are we realli not tt impt to u anymore ma?
will u not be sad if one dae i am to leave before u?
will u not be lonely when u leave here and be all by urself?
we even used to sae i wld take care of u when we grow old together.
i wld make delicious food for u each time u come back home.
i can still remember the daes we played together.
each time during holidaes,
when darren come over to stay,
we would take the mattress and climb to the top of the stairs.
then we would sit on it and slide down that long stairs. so fun.
we would play house.
cook fake stuffs.
and even open up a "mini supermarket" to buy and sell things.
we used monopoly money to do so.
we tore papers and crush them into tiny bits to sell as "popcorn"
can u not remember those fine times ma?
i realli want the old u back.
where we would lie in bed and talking abt anything under the sun.
where we would take lots of pics together.
where we would shop till we drop.
where we would talk and gossip abt our love life.
where we would tell some lame jokes and laugh our butts off.
if i need give up anything
i would
jus to haf u back with me.
i realli want the old u back.
where u would talk to me.
if u find this house so miserable,
tell me.
i will try make it a better one for u.
jus to have u stay here.
if i can buy back time?
if i can
i want buy back those times we had fun together,
and those times when i am free from misery.
and those times james would talk to me even.
rampage and terror;
1:42 AM
Saturday, October 07, 2006
omg.
the haze is damn thick.
make me kenna swollen eyes.-.-
so pain and tired leh my eyes.
out of a sudden so free.
i didnt know wat to spent my time on.
busy thinking.
i also dunno think of wat.
anyway was watching full house.
seeing the pair of lovers so painful in the drama.
they loved each other yet
they had to be apart.
is a painful process to forget someone u love.
esp if u loved that person deeply.
and even more heartbroking to let him/her go,
to pretend u had never ever known them in this lifetime.
i dunno if i do annot.
but i know within is tearing apart.
delicated to guess-who if u see this:
all the best ya?
we all know from the start it is not going to be an easy task.
and we also know very well we are reluctant to do so
but in order to ease the pain and misery we are going through
we have no choice.
jia you no matter how hard the process will be.
like the baby in rob-b-hood,
i thot he was dying
and i suddenly felt wat a pity it was
for him to die so young and dun haf the chance to experience life.
the sweetness
bitterness
sourness
and spicyness.
and yet we had the chance to live on.
there are mani wonderful things in this world worth living for.
maybe we jus haven found it?
persevere on dude.
thats wat cedar taught me.
no matter how tough the odds are,
no matter how daunted it is,
no matter how mani times u haf failed,
no matter how mani times u haf tried,
as long as we haven succeed,
keep on trying.
dun let ur failure get u down.
dun let ur discouragement keep u from trying again.
when u feel like giving up,
tell urself not to.
and i will try my best as well.
life is worth living,
and i am sure we all wanna live a meaningful one.
so do i.
jia you.
to anybody who is facing difficulties ot there,
jia you too!
rampage and terror;
6:11 PM
Friday, October 06, 2006
i jus wanna sae
mid autum festival is a great time to bond with ur family.
most lovely if u can admire the moon with ur loved ones.
=)
cos is rather romantic.
carrying lanterns in the night,
walking along the streets with ur hands interlocked,
the slience hanging in the atmosphere jus saes it all that u wanna sae.
fantastic night.
go figure.
and i am in love<3!!
yayness!
matthew u haf given me the meaning to live.
the determination to survive all odds.
hope i can overcome all obstacles in life no matter how hard they will be.
cos life will then be worth living for.
thanks!
muacks to darl!
i love ur eyes.
so attractive!
rampage and terror;
11:53 PM
guess wat?
whee!
exams jus ended todae.
finally....
yet i jus cant seem to feel that sort of after exams excitment.
feel a little empty instead.
like out of a sudden there is no need to study le..
and of course..
worrying for my results to see if i will pass annot..
hais life is indeed full of worries..
anyway after paper,
went down to town with qingyu suling sihui cs des and eunice.
on the way we took the same bus with s09 peeps.
lols.
chew yihao guo ran is chew yihao.
carrying some o-biang plastic bag. lols.
and with his funnie looking shoes on him (tts on him only of course, lols)
he realli look like an ah pek wanna-be.
lols.
even the REAL ah pek also more cool sia. lols.
almost all were busy suaning him on the bus.
then we took nel to ps then to somerset.
but su wanted to top up her ez-link card so we went to the top up machine.
chiam!
the card got stucked.
cos it has folded ends.
finally i managed to flick it out with a pin.
ha!
we bought tics to watch rob-b-hood at cine.
then we had our.. early lunch lars at pasta-mania.
sam fong later came to join eunice who wont be joining us as usual.. lols.
went to take neo-prints. lols.
after we selected the machine, qy wanted to go mirror to see her reflection.
lols. ger ma.. so al the gers went to check our image.
lols. and cs and des was at the back saying we were so vain and stuffs.
BUT they themselves were waiting behind us to get a view of their own lohs...
still sae us..
lols. guys are becoming more vain pop.
not sae a bad thingy lars..
jus lost their manly image.
haha!
and the baby in rob-b-hood is super cute.
omg. his eyes are realli.. mi ren!!
the show was hilarious.
but has its sad moments as well.
nearly cried sia~
hahas. but over all was realli enjoyable and exciting.
some parts can laugh ur worries away.
i love u mattew!!
ppl like u jus make me wanna live on..
to see the beauty of life.
omg. i now considering to be a confinement specialist next time. lols.
or a baby nurse.
after that we walked a bit at hereen.
so much has changed and yet i didnt know.
shows how long i haven been to orchard already.
=)
after promos le..
i duno wats running through my mind now...
so mmuch time to think of so mani suffs.
and i finally able to write a full entry le! yayness!
rampage and terror;
8:18 PM
