Friday, March 07, 2008
i think i am a failure in life.
no doubt, there are other ways to shine in life other than acedamic ways, yet neither do i shine in other espects.
i failed my duty as a human being.
failed my duty to achieve excellent acedamic results,
failed my duty to maintain friendships,
failed my duty to keep the ones i loved beside me,
failed my duty to cherish the one oppurtunity that cupid has given me.
i have failed so miserably that i have realise i have never succeded in life before.
all my goals, dreams and courage to aim high onli causes me to fall hard on my knees.
i never did attain any great accomplishments in my studies,
nor made a great impact on anyone,
nor changed anyone's world.
my desire to help others and change myself so that i can fit into this world is gradually fading away.
the successes i had this lifetime cant sustain me at all.
for i never tasted wat succes is like.
rampage and terror;
2:07 AM
Thursday, January 31, 2008
someone asked me wat was wrong with me, yet at that instant i couldnt pinpoint anything. so i jus replied' LIFE'.
cause i cant comprehend it. i cant get a fcuking clue wat the cycle is all abt. karma? fate? beats me.
then i saw smthg that i wished i didnt see at all. someone else nice.shrugs. stop lying to me ass. i can see everything even if you dun admit anything.
i hate the way you have been treating me. sometimes showering me with so much concern that it totally blows my mind. and sometimes jus treating me as though i am invisible. i cant stand it anymore. this fcuking treatment is tormenting me.
you know very well wat i have been thinking, yet you bloody well treated me like a fool. damnination. no matter wat, i stick by to my very first decision because with you, even if my world collaspe and you can hold it with your two hands, you can only hold it for a day or two. then you will move away. away to another sky.
i had enough. i am through with all this bullshit.
i had enough with people treating me like a fool, as though i dunno wat the hell is going on but i jolly well do.
i just want back my quack now.
rampage and terror;
1:35 AM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
happie birthday to me!!! thanks to those who wished me happie birthday:
justin
yihao
tzeyin
pamela
chinghwa
james ting
weijie
huiyuan
kelly
qingyu
jun hua
desmond
hui fang
barry
joseph
shuqi
yijun
alvin
if i miss out anyone pardon me.
was actually supposed to spend my birthday mugging. how boring was tt.
but a visit in the night made this day worth waiting for.
can you imagine? jus a visit can turn an ordinary day into one that is extraordinary.
thanks to you visitor.=) you made my day.
happie birthday christabel!!!=)
rampage and terror;
9:01 AM
Saturday, May 05, 2007
WHY? JUST WHY?
things happen for a reason. sad things, happie things, frustrated things, angry things, hurtful things. but wats so ironic abt things is that when bad things happen, ppl will keep asking why is this happening to me. but when good things happen our mind jus simply dun process that sentence.
i am frustrated. i am frustrated abt how things are turning out to be. why things have turned out this way. how did things ever turned out this way. i looked back on my journey and i realised something. or a few things rather.
at the same time i am angry with myself too. argh. i hate myself for not growing up sooner.
why do i always make stupid mistakes? stupid mistakes that casues me to lose marks in exams. stupid mistakes that caused me to lose someone close to me. stupid mistakes that caused me to fail in life. stupid mistakes that caused me saddness. stupid mistakes that caused me regrets in life. i really wanna remedy everything. starting from 8 years ago. the worst mistake i ever made. i admit my folly. but i dun have a chance to make it up. so now i am suffering everything jus for tt mistake. but is it fair? is it fair for me to get twice the retribution for tt mistake i made? all the good deeds i have done still cannot patch it up? doing cip? helping old ppl and stuffs. donating money. must i donate all my organs before i am freed from this ridiculous torture. ya sure, by tt time i would have been dead = freed.=/
or has it been plain stupidity? that causes me to have such a pathetic life now?
ya perphas i am stupid alright.
dear fate, with all my heart i shall seek,
pls free me from this misery and torture.
play no fool with me and i shall be no fool at all.
fill my world with love and freedom and i shall cherish all with my mighty soul.
take my hand and lead me through this maze and i shall be happy once again.
carry me when i am tired and i shall find new strength in life.
fly me to the stars and i shall sleep sweet each night.
dear fate, with all my heart i shall seek.
rampage and terror;
7:50 AM
Friday, May 04, 2007
i've got 'nothing' to say.
cos 'nothing' can explain my pain.
i never know loving you could be so hard,
wats more to let you go.
rampage and terror;
10:16 AM
Sunday, April 22, 2007
been so long since i last blogged.been an emo wreck ever since forever. i never felt so tired aching and everything inside me before.i thought i had been fine, strong and never possiblity felt better than before.but just yesterday, i knew i was pretty wrong.i have been on an eating spree. been eating and eating and eating non-stop and then suddenly i jus didnt want to eat anything for the entire day or two. i dunno if it is a disorder or wat, which i hope is not, but i usually behave like that when i am down. and realli down. i am onli a mere seventeen girl going-on eighteen. yet life has been...... unbelievable. i have lost so many precious things, tt money cannot buy. i even lost my self identity. i jus feel days passing me through and through. i no longer feel i have a soul to seek and lean onto. because someone left me and moved on i guess. someone who had promise will be by my side no matter wat happens, even when the sky collaspe on me thou shall hold it up with thou two bare hands. i can remember wat thou has promised, but i cant seem to see those two hands of yours holding up my sky anymore.
perphas in my past life, i did sinned too much and now i am suffering my rightful retribution. abt everthing.
i will always be strong no matter wat i guess.
cos i am waiting for that very day, i would popped my clogs and be in heaven.
somewhere i belong~
rampage and terror;
5:18 AM
Friday, March 16, 2007
emo.
feeling emo somehow.
worried abt this worried abt tt. hais. life is tough.
tougher when u got t face all sorts of stuffs.
i am trying to grow stronger. ppl out there too k!
i think i must change myself to be more focus and serious. better not play too much liaos.
misery came and accompanied me through my life.
rampage and terror;
10:26 AM
