we rawk the earth

2008-03-07T02:07:00.000-08:00

i think i am a failure in life.
no doubt, there are other ways to shine in life other than acedamic ways, yet neither do i shine in other espects.
i failed my duty as a human being.
failed my duty to achieve excellent acedamic results,
failed my duty to maintain friendships,
failed my duty to keep the ones i loved beside me,
failed my duty to cherish the one oppurtunity that cupid has given me.

i have failed so miserably that i have realise i have never succeded in life before.
all my goals, dreams and courage to aim high onli causes me to fall hard on my knees.
i never did attain any great accomplishments in my studies,
nor made a great impact on anyone,
nor changed anyone's world.
my desire to help others and change myself so that i can fit into this world is gradually fading away.
the successes i had this lifetime cant sustain me at all.
for i never tasted wat succes is like.

2008-01-31T01:35:00.000-08:00

someone asked me wat was wrong with me, yet at that instant i couldnt pinpoint anything. so i jus replied' LIFE'.
cause i cant comprehend it. i cant get a fcuking clue wat the cycle is all abt. karma? fate? beats me.
then i saw smthg that i wished i didnt see at all. someone else nice.shrugs. stop lying to me ass. i can see everything even if you dun admit anything.
i hate the way you have been treating me. sometimes showering me with so much concern that it totally blows my mind. and sometimes jus treating me as though i am invisible. i cant stand it anymore. this fcuking treatment is tormenting me.
you know very well wat i have been thinking, yet you bloody well treated me like a fool. damnination. no matter wat, i stick by to my very first decision because with you, even if my world collaspe and you can hold it with your two hands, you can only hold it for a day or two. then you will move away. away to another sky.
i had enough. i am through with all this bullshit.
i had enough with people treating me like a fool, as though i dunno wat the hell is going on but i jolly well do.
i just want back my quack now.

2007-07-03T09:01:00.001-07:00

happie birthday to me!!! thanks to those who wished me happie birthday:
justin
yihao
tzeyin
pamela
chinghwa
james ting
weijie
huiyuan
kelly
qingyu
jun hua
desmond
hui fang
barry
joseph
shuqi
yijun
alvin
if i miss out anyone pardon me.
was actually supposed to spend my birthday mugging. how boring was tt.
but a visit in the night made this day worth waiting for.
can you imagine? jus a visit can turn an ordinary day into one that is extraordinary.
thanks to you visitor.=) you made my day.
happie birthday christabel!!!=)

2007-05-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

WHY? JUST WHY?
things happen for a reason. sad things, happie things, frustrated things, angry things, hurtful things. but wats so ironic abt things is that when bad things happen, ppl will keep asking why is this happening to me. but when good things happen our mind jus simply dun process that sentence.
i am frustrated. i am frustrated abt how things are turning out to be. why things have turned out this way. how did things ever turned out this way. i looked back on my journey and i realised something. or a few things rather.

at the same time i am angry with myself too. argh. i hate myself for not growing up sooner.
why do i always make stupid mistakes? stupid mistakes that casues me to lose marks in exams. stupid mistakes that caused me to lose someone close to me. stupid mistakes that caused me to fail in life. stupid mistakes that caused me saddness. stupid mistakes that caused me regrets in life. i really wanna remedy everything. starting from 8 years ago. the worst mistake i ever made. i admit my folly. but i dun have a chance to make it up. so now i am suffering everything jus for tt mistake. but is it fair? is it fair for me to get twice the retribution for tt mistake i made? all the good deeds i have done still cannot patch it up? doing cip? helping old ppl and stuffs. donating money. must i donate all my organs before i am freed from this ridiculous torture. ya sure, by tt time i would have been dead = freed.=/

or has it been plain stupidity? that causes me to have such a pathetic life now?
ya perphas i am stupid alright.

dear fate, with all my heart i shall seek,
pls free me from this misery and torture.
play no fool with me and i shall be no fool at all.
fill my world with love and freedom and i shall cherish all with my mighty soul.
take my hand and lead me through this maze and i shall be happy once again.
carry me when i am tired and i shall find new strength in life.
fly me to the stars and i shall sleep sweet each night.
dear fate, with all my heart i shall seek.

2007-05-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

i've got 'nothing' to say.
cos 'nothing' can explain my pain.

i never know loving you could be so hard,
wats more to let you go.

2007-04-22T05:18:00.001-07:00

been so long since i last blogged.been an emo wreck ever since forever. i never felt so tired aching and everything inside me before.i thought i had been fine, strong and never possiblity felt better than before.but just yesterday, i knew i was pretty wrong.i have been on an eating spree. been eating and eating and eating non-stop and then suddenly i jus didnt want to eat anything for the entire day or two. i dunno if it is a disorder or wat, which i hope is not, but i usually behave like that when i am down. and realli down. i am onli a mere seventeen girl going-on eighteen. yet life has been...... unbelievable. i have lost so many precious things, tt money cannot buy. i even lost my self identity. i jus feel days passing me through and through. i no longer feel i have a soul to seek and lean onto. because someone left me and moved on i guess. someone who had promise will be by my side no matter wat happens, even when the sky collaspe on me thou shall hold it up with thou two bare hands. i can remember wat thou has promised, but i cant seem to see those two hands of yours holding up my sky anymore.
perphas in my past life, i did sinned too much and now i am suffering my rightful retribution. abt everthing.

i will always be strong no matter wat i guess.

cos i am waiting for that very day, i would popped my clogs and be in heaven.

somewhere i belong~

2007-03-16T10:26:00.001-07:00

emo.
feeling emo somehow.
worried abt this worried abt tt. hais. life is tough.
tougher when u got t face all sorts of stuffs.
i am trying to grow stronger. ppl out there too k!
i think i must change myself to be more focus and serious. better not play too much liaos.

misery came and accompanied me through my life.

2007-03-11T04:44:00.001-07:00

it amazes me how ppl treat friendship so lightly.
how they are willing to give up friendship jus for love. lovers after ending their relationship jus couldnt find themselves talking to each other any more.
onli being friends for a month or so and because of love u refuse to talk to the person again cos she rejected you?
then how abt someone who had loved him for 8 years yet they were never meant to be?
wake up ppl.
love aint the whole world.
i am not saying love is not impt but there are other things more impt than that.

2007-03-03T07:15:00.001-08:00

sad.
thats how i feel now.
they all left yesterday. and i am missing them loads now. all the fun and happie times i had when they were around. made me entirely forget my worries, saddness. made me feel that the world is a happie place and that laughter still always remain as the best medicine ever. the poking here and there. and the jokes.
realli miss them loads. haven seen them for 13 years. and 3 weeks realli passed by so quickly.
wish time would turn back to cny. turn back to the day they first arrived in singapore.
wanna cry=(

got back my chi results. cried for joy.
i realli wanna study hard now. real hard. so that end of year i can go to australia. ad that i hae the ultimate choice to study in my uni.

2007-02-12T06:49:00.001-08:00

forever: retaining its status for an infinite period of time.
such things dun exist. and i wont believe them anymore.

i lurf physics.

jus like how i loved life.

2007-02-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

forever: retaining its status for an infinite period of time.
such things dun exist. and i wont believe them anymore.

i lurf physics.

jus like how i loved life.

2007-02-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

whee. now is 11 and i haven finish all my hmwk!!! argh. sch is killing me.
jus went for tution today.. errr... kinda fast class.
and yay!! they are here. finally!!
miss them loads. and woah.. my uncle is hot. lols. great body great tan and great looks. lols.
nah.. jus haven seen them in a decade.
had plenty of laughs with them around. looking forwards to this coming fri and sat. yay!!
got chalet.and night safari!!!
next fri and sat too.. cos it is gonna be chingay!!!
early leave from sch!!! and i get to party cos i am in sector one!!!
omg packed week. hope this fri will come quickly.

and smthg else happened again. history repeated, but jus with different person.
i dunno.. jus so sick and tired from all these complicated stuffs.
and i think i wil let go of it. cos since we are not meant to be, why drag it on.
why hold on when we know that it will not bring us happiness and will not give us wat we want.
give me time, i will let go.
then things will go back to how it used to be.

to 10/10:
w used to have many happy times together but i dnno how things turned out this way.
i guess i missed out the chance i had. i jus wanna come clean with everything before i began embarking on a new journey.
everything was abt u. my blog my nic. everything.
but i suppose u didnt know. when u tried to guess stuffs, like who i was in love with, you got it all right. i jus didnt give a definitie ans.
i dunnos, i feel safe with u around. i could smile too. and laugh abt a thousand things.
it became a habit for me to wait for ur daily dosage of sms.
and when u dun msg, i will feel weird and msg u. which was rare cos each day, without fail, u will sms me.
well, that was in the past. now we hardly sit down and talk. we sometimes also pretend we didnt see each other.
it hurts when because of love, we lost our friendship. we lost the comuunication we had between us. and it hurts even more when...
perhaps u have already moved on. perphas forever to you didnt realli meant forever. like wat u said in ur letter. forever, till the end of time.
perhaps i was right abt forever.
perhaps perhaps perhaps, thats all i can say...

2007-02-07T06:24:00.001-08:00

it is time to let go. leave from here and go somewhere far away.

where no one can see my tears.

cheers ppl=)

2007-02-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

Life goes on, life goes on Life goes on, life goes on

You sucked me in
And played my mind
Just like a toy
You were crank and wind

Baby I would give till you wore it out
You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt
And you're still thinkin' you're the Daddy Mac
You should've known better but you didn't
And I can't go back

Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause you can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can go back Life goes on [repeat 2X]

Wish I knew then
What I know now
You held all the cards
And sold me out
Baby shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back

Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause you can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can go back

Life goes on Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on Na, Na, Na, Na,
It made me strong
Oh yeah, got this feeling that I can't go back

Life goes on, life goes on, and it's only gonna me strong
Life goes on, life goes on, and on and on
shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back Na, na, na, na, na

Life goes on Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong
Oh yeah Gotta feelin' that I can't go back
No I can't go back
Oh yeah I've gotta go now I'm moving on
No turning back 'Cause you made me strong

i wanna delicate this song to myself.
no matter how tough it gets going, i will walk on.
even if i dun get things the way i want, i will jus have to let go and walk on.
once a opportunity is gone, i suppose it wont come back.
they say once a door closes, open another.
i did open another door. but nonetheless i cant enter and get wats inside tt door.
so ppl, opening another door doesnt excatly mean u will have a second chance.
it depends on fate, luck and destiny.
our actions cant decide our fate, cos ultimately the end will lies above us.
but nontheless we cant jus sit aside and wait for it to happen.
i will grow stronger, i will learn how to walk on my own, i will learn how to survive on my own and i will learn how to depend on my own.
watever happens, i will always stand alone.
we cant escape from reality and truth.
and i know i wont. deep within me i know i wont fall and jus lie there.
give me time to pick myself up and i will walk again.
give me time to love and i will love again.

2007-02-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

my legs are aching. i got blisters on both feet. i onli had 3 hours of sleep last night.
i onli had one and a half meal today. dun ever mention fund raising in front of me or i will gladly give you a punching present.
despite all, i was waiting for you to talk to me.
encourage me not to be dishearten and to cheer up.
but i got none. i was pretty sure the old you used to encourage me a lot.
cheer me up when i am down despite you being down urself.
you never knew how it warms my heart when u showed me concern.
the very first time, an immediate failure.
guess i will let go pretty soon, since things are not wat i wanted.
cheers to my feet and all toilet bowls.

i rather not confess any and have the same old you back than to sae my trueself and get coldness in return

money can drop from the sky, but love have to be dug deep into the earth in order to find it.

2007-01-31T00:20:00.000-08:00

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Unbelievable sightsIndescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you
A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

i wanna ride the clouds with you.

and catch the stars together.

2007-01-24T22:32:00.000-08:00

i hope it will be worth the try.
i dun expect anything. i jus want you to know how i felt.
i jus hope my risk was worth it.

2007-01-23T22:43:00.000-08:00

am i really becoming so sensitive?
am i really becoming so bugging and irritating?
am i really becoming tha annoying?
am i really becoming that insiginificant?

i want to matter to you, so that you will show me the same concern as before,
fuss over me and make me feel that even if the whole world hates me there will always be you there.and even if the whole sky is to collaspe on me, with your two bare hands you will hold them up for me.
i fuss over little matters cos they still do matter to me.
because of one very simple reason; feelings. but you wont understand.
cos it doesnt mean anything.. to you.

wat if one day, i am to leave?
i dun want to leave in regret that i didnt cherish anything i once had.

2007-01-21T22:03:00.000-08:00

2007-01-19T21:51:00.000-08:00

things have changed within a blink of the eye.
i wish u were still the same.
showering me with care and concern.
wat i needed the most now.
know that i could hang onto someone.
but i knew i was bugging instead.
so i just have to step back.
if only my life was just like those in the story books.
where i can find love. just when i needed it.

2007-01-18T23:44:00.000-08:00

i dunno wats wrong with me.
i really wanna try standing on my two feet.
yet at the same time, i want someone to support me. to lead me through this toughest moment in my life.
cant grant me such a simple need ma?
tomorrow got test but none can get into my head.

my heart is breaking.
but apparently no one cares.

2007-01-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

bad day in sch. cos something came over me.
tried looking for ppl to hear my stupid saddness.
but i dunno. feeling weird?
nvm.

i miss you pretty much.
i thought i have gotten over the fact that i may lose u for a long time or even forever.
i though things will start afresh for me and for everyone of us.
but today, it dawn upon me that i have never gotten you out of my life.
not even a single step.
all those times we have spent together will always be etach in my heart.
i feel like crying my heart out, but i fear the moment i cry, i can never stop.
i wanna let you know that i will never give up on you and i will always love you.
this will be the one and only relationship in my life that will not be dashed for eternity.

2007-01-14T22:45:00.000-08:00

i dunno wat to blog..

cos i dun wanna blog abt anything to the world.

2007-01-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

ooo. sick is disgusting. but is good cos my mum will take care of me. yay. so i dun mind. lols. but when i cough my head hurts. i also dunno why. zzz. didnt see doc. ad kenna caught in the rain for two consecutive days already. cheers man.
jc2 life is completely different from last year. everydae need do work, dun do means the next day will be super full. i want do all my tutorials!! i want to study hard!

2007-01-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

emo day in sch. thats why today sucked totally. hardly spoke a word. tsk.
went down to HW to collate the sign up forms. omg. sr onli has 14 applicants. diao.
is damn pathetic.
i was sad.
went back to sch to crash the fusion night. hais. waste my time. no use. cant get me lifted up.
miss my own thebes gamma. then took a lonely ride home. no voice. after i ate the shilin chick.

man are such funny creatures. we have desires and wants. we want to do things the way we want.
the way we thought was right.
yet i cannot comprehend why we ended up feeling all sore and hurt inside.
if we are doing wat we wanted, shouldnt we be happy? shouldnt we be glad?
then why are we feeling the opposite?
such depth.... unexplainable. and at the same time, undeniable.

2007-01-05T01:15:00.000-08:00

time check: now is 1.11 am in the morning. cant sleep
heartbreaking days.

sometimes i ask myself if is this wat i want?
but somehow within me, i feel a pain in somewhere.
somewhere that connects my mind and soul together.
i am trying so hard to convince myself.
wonder if it is working.

2007-01-04T22:32:00.000-08:00

i am stressed. with sch, chingay. zz. raymond is my past life enemy ba.
so tired. was practically falling asleep during lessons. but somehow i can absorb more stuffs than last year. thats great. ppl pls join chingay!!

It's the same old story that everybody knows...one heart holding on, the other letting go

at the start is the guy that holds on and the girl who doesnt.
but at the end is the guy that lets go and the girl who doesnt.
wat a contradictory isn't it.

2007-01-04T00:54:00.000-08:00

is not that i dun want love.
but to me, love is like a rose, beautiful but can hurt you at the same time.
we cant deny that we cannot live without love.
but neither can we admit that we can live with a dead heart for life.

You didn't just break my heart,

you killed a part of it.

A broken heart can be mended,

but something dead can't be healed

2007-01-04T00:30:00.000-08:00

well, someone asked me to update so here i am.

hellos ANGEL

i am done for the day.

~stressed

Everyday I grow weaker

knowing if I could have

just said things differently,

you would still be here today.

2006-12-31T01:42:00.000-08:00

A girl talking to her BF by the roadside:
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No...
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: Not really...
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: Nope
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: Hell No...
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: Of coz no...
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No...
Girl: What would you choose: your life...or me?
Boy: I choose My Life
The girl runs away with such shock and pain in her heart
but the boy run after her and shouted loudly....
"The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind...
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you...
The reason I don't want you is because I need you...
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left me...
The reason wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you...
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you... The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life..."

however, you never know that i was willing to do all these for you.
cause in the first place,
you never know that i love you,
loved you right from the beinning.<3

2006-12-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

ROARS~ outing wth recess babes tomorrow. yayness.

oh wells, my net is kinda sucky now and is driving me nuts. sch is reopening in less than 5 days. yay. get to see my class and the new intake of jc1 peeps. esp that kim walkerman. ha! yesterday was studying at bishan with cs and qy. ended up we gossiped away for quite a while. abt all the flirts, chiobus, irritating ppl and stuffs.but hey, i got complete quite an amount of work. yay.
went for hair cut todae. tsk. think i look like a small ger instead of a ku niang. my mum love it though=/
then went imm to see the photos. hais. my heart broke again. i hate it cos my dad keep taking the opposite font. i know i am last on the list. hais. been trying to control this feel of my for not being the perfect child. but neither do i haf the ability to be one. barely near.
my life is in a mess.
another thought: geetting married. oooo i so hope to get married in the future. then makes me think of the guy that i want. aiya be realistic and admit that there is no perfect guy. i know i know. i will keep my prince charming in my heart*kisses.=)
but lets be realistic, we may want and seek for love. however we also have to ask if is this guy worth loving or do we have a happy ending together.
because sometimes we find that even if we do fall in love with someone, we cannot accept the man is because we know we have no ending at all. sometimes we seek his love (jus so naturally), but sometimes we try to draw the distance so that we will protect ourselves and not get hurt. is such a dilema.
anyway, was waiting for some smses to come in. but none came. oh wells. i dunno. been blowing hot and cold. i also dunno wat to do or respond.
i guess i jus have to make a mental note to myself to jus mind my business and stop irritating the others. tsk. buzzz off i go~

2006-12-25T23:25:00.000-08:00

merryy christmas ppl.
the month of giving.

had a pleasant surprise today. my long lost friend came to visit. with presents.
sat down and talk. catched up on a lot of things. feels great to see him again.

and realli special sorry to angel for not being able to meet you last min.
i know you not veri happy and neither do you wanna tell me.

cheers ppl.

next sun. hais.

2006-12-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

boohoohoo.
someone is leaving singapore. oh wells, have a safe trip ahead. i will be enjoying four days of peace.
lols. just remember my presents k. jeremy also...=)
ya ok i know you want hear... i will miss all your nonsense too.
oh wells. been a busy week. chingay chingay chingay.
talking at chingay makes me pissed. kenna backstab. wth. i did my part ok biach. fcuk off.
and talking abt getting pissed, the delivery man also made me pissed. called one and a half hour late. and expect me to go collect the food. like wth. hellos? u didnt called to update me that you will be late ok? and now u expect me to collect the food? u no sense of responsibility loh... u sae ur boss will scold you stupid. of course lars... u stupid. should haf informed me beforehand right? wth. want me collect the food then want me throw into the sea ar?

i am veri upset recently.. abt all these stuffs. and heaven is crying for me. tsk.
oh wells, like wat i said there are so many things that i cant grasp.

is not easy to be me. i just realise that even simple things you also cant trust ppl.
like turning up for meetings and stuffs.
wat has happened to the human species?
i dunno. i am so sick and tired of the way things are being to unfold before my eyes.
zzz.
ok enough of sad stuffs.

wats happy stuffs going on?
oh ya.. someone is leaving singapore! lols. worth celebrating ya? lols.
jus joking ya? jus come back in one piece.
sch is reopening in one to two weeks time. woot.
kinda look forward to it. yay.
gonna cut my hair.=)
ok jus some random stuffs.
tata

2006-12-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

wat a wet dae. went to sun-tec kuwishing bo to eat. dunno how to spell. was fantastic.
ok someone realli pissed me off todae.
landed me in shit.argh. i am so gonna prove to you for common tests. argh.
stop ordering me around. i wont listen to all ur bloody bullshit anymore.
i " can hardly wait" till tomorrow's bbq. zzz. next time class outing pls do not ask me to organise. i die die wont organise anymore of it.
i wanna go jump in the sea.=(

2006-12-17T01:37:00.000-08:00

saw someone wrote for u. "hope u and her get married"
then i wondered. wat abt me? haf i totally become extinct in ur world? in ur memories?
cant a 8 year friendship withstand anything?
dun you remembered when u landed in the hospital who was there for u?
keeping slient and not confessing anything doesnt speak for itself.
since the start of this year, u drifted away from me. 2006 hasnt been a great year for me. like wat ys said, it was one wave after another. too many things fo me to grasp.emotional concerns. yet i couldnt see u beside me at all. wat happened to all ur promises? 2007 is approaching and is also gonna be an even tougher year for me. are you not going to be there for me at all? must you wait till the day something really happen to me before you willing to see me? i realli miss all those times we had together, like talking in the streets till 3am. if i have to die to see you, then tell me. it was the greatest regret i had in life. i dunno why i didnt face reality. i jus didnt. i cant ask for more. but just ask u not to ignore me anymore. pls... is not that i dun want to find u. is just that i cant seem to find you at all. things have changed so drastically. i can only blame myself.

speacial nites to angel. take care ya? drink more water.
i dun want lose another close one.=)

and HAPPY BIRTHDAE QINGYU!
bless you and adrian.
envy both of u ya?=)

2006-12-16T01:53:00.000-08:00

i totally love my new blogskin.

someone asked me wat i wanna do with my future.
i haf no idea. i dunno wat decisions to make.
which one will be right and which will be wrong.
i am jus filled with regret, guilt and sorry.
sorry for my actions.
sorry for hurting anyone.
sorry for having such a tough life.
is jus one wave after another.

2006-12-15T11:43:00.000-08:00

so tired. todae was supposed to go to smrt headquarters for some programm. guess wat time i woke up? 8.15. and i was suppose to meet qy they all at 8.30. how great.
practically slept through the whole of the lecture. ah pek was like sleeping very openly with his mouth wide open-.-
had a small quiz at the end of the lecture. dang. got 19/25. so i am a qualified volunteer to help out when there is an emergency?

next fri, 22nd dec is some practical session. dangs. and i haf chingay leaders training. argh.
ok is i ownself kill myself one. wanted to tire myself out durng hols. first time hearing such stuffs huh. and i so badly wanna study. somehow jus... argh. i am so angry with myself for procastinating.
now i got ogl, chingay, fund raising. dang dang dang. sc realli sucks. pardon me. zzz. erebus rocks though.

these few days been thinking a lot. too much for my puny brain in fact.
hais.i got so many questions yet no proper ans at all.
my head is going to explode with all these stuffs.argh.
i dunno wats the right decision and whether my decisions are worth it.
i cant explain certain stuffs, certain views, certain feelings.
i cant predict wats gonna happen. i dun even wanna know wat will happen.
hols are ending yet i haven achieve much.
dang dag dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang.

2006-12-14T00:36:00.000-08:00

whoo!! new blogskin. hope all readers like it.
anyway, things are happening at such a fast pace. cant realli grasp it.
so many things bottled up within me.
part of me realli wanna leave sr, leave singapore and start everything anew somewhere else.
but i know is kinda impossible.
it is now raining. feels like heaven is also crying for me.=(
oh wells, life is getting tougher.

2006-12-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

ok i am back once again. cos mainly i cant find any other output. dun mind this post either pls.
we all face setbacks in life. causes us to be emotional.
all the things that has happened within the past month till now realli took a toll on me.
perphas is a test from heavens above to see if i am strong on the inside and the outside. well, you have seen the results. i have been trying to put on a brave font in front of everyone. so that people wont keep asking for the reasons. trying to show the whole world that i, christabel heng wont collaspe and will always be a happy person. i have a happy life and will always look on the bright side of life. but i have to admit, no matter how strong i wanna look in front of my friends, as though i dun need any support or watsoever, deep within, i realli need someone to listen to me and all my bullshit. i need a support to cling onto.

the tension within me broke todae. i couldnt stand it any longer. i had to vomit all the emotions from within out of me. i totally broke todae.
heaven set so many tests for me. this one is a tougher one. lately i have become more emo, more tempremental.
wish i am by the seaside now. and scream my entire lungs out. let the boundless sea engulf my saddness.
everyone is busy with ogl and cca and other stuffs. some sae too tired.. how can i selfishly go disturb their sleep.
sometimes i jus wished i can sae everything i hid deep within me to someone.
sometimes i jus wished i would not have such a heavy responsibility to carry.
sometimes i jus wished i was not christabel heng.
i am really mentally drained, emotionally tired.
is no wonder sometimes my imagination runs wild.

there is no need for cheer up tags or wat.
jus voicing out wat i feeling within.
i find it so hard to talk to you nowadays.

2006-12-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

all i just want is to have you beside me. but apprently u dun seem to understand that i needed someone, needed you, needed a shoulder.
there are some things that i cant sae it straight from my mouth. there are some things that i have to hide beneath.

the last of everything.

2006-11-18T23:56:00.000-08:00

i haf lost my heart, mind, body and soul.
i haf only myself to blame for i brought this misfortunate situation on my loved ones.
oh god pls forgive me. i didnt mean it at all.
i lost someone i loved, within the deepest depth of my heart.
yet no matter wat happens, i will always welcome you with my open arms despite wat others sae.

to all my faithful readers, slient or not,
i admit that my blog is emo. but wat my aim for this post is to encourage all of you out there to cherish everyone around you, be it family, friends or even foes.
we come into this world with nothing in our possession.
and when we die, we also cannot bring any of them with us to the underworld.
we can only cherish them while we are living.
we only haf this family for this lifetime.
why not cherish them?
spend some time with them and tell them how much they matter to you and how much you love them.
and also to stay strong despite all hurdles, for i believe you will find light at the last moment.
yes, it is tough riding this one hell ride of a rollarcoaster.
but wat can we do?
we gain some, we lose some.
there are other people out there who are in a more miserable state than wat we actually are.
learn from them, people.
one, have a heart and show ur compassion to them.
two, love yourself and make sure you dun end up in the same situation. be grateful for wat u really haf.
it is really heartbreaking when you finally realised your mistake.
but nothing can be done and you can only live in self-regret fo the rest of your life.
to me, my life no longer revolve around bgr.
my life now revolve around my family, studies and friends.
yes, we women seek for a sense of security.
but when we love someone, pls open your eyes big enough to see if that person is really worth your love, heart and mind.
as we all know, love is blind. and thats the point that will lead us to destruction.

to that every special someone out there if you are seeing this:
all i can sae is i love you for this lifetime of mine. and i will never abandon you.
cos even if you do, i wont. is a lifelong promise i give to you, and one that i will commit myself to.
even if the whole world turn against you, i will still love you as wat you are.
i miss you and i wont force you to do things that you wont want to do. i juswant you back.
but wat makes me sad is that i love you to such an extent that i sent you to self-destruction.
and yet this is how you repay me for helping you, believing in you.
i pleaded with you and yet it didnt moved you at all. i dun mean anything to you at all ma?
i can only blame myself for the state you are in and the state my loved ones are in.
i ruined my whole life and i haf no one else to blame, for a the beginning, i didnt do wat was right.
i can only seek forgiveness from god above and ask him to bless you, where ever you will go.
from the very moment i was born to the moment i breathe my last, i will stilll still and always love you. take care of yourself.
with this, i end with my very last post for this emo blog.

2006-11-16T23:05:00.000-08:00

when there is death, there is life.
and death is only a step away from life.

omg i wanna watch step up.

bowling rocks.
and sch has treasure. lols. we went digging for treasure todae man. so fun.
tata.

and i am not emo!!
am i?

bring it on

2006-11-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

life can be simple.
yet complicated at the same time.
why so?
there is black and white..
dark and light.
yin and yang.
together and separate.
heaven and earth.

things always have the opposite of them.
and matters always end up the opposite of how you want them to be.
she cant take control of it anymore.
she is out of her mind and soul.
she has stopped thinking for a long time already.
you can sae she is escaping from reality.
you can sae she is refusing to solve the problem and is running away from it.
you can sae she is a pessimistic of life.
you can even sae
her soul is dead.
watever it is, she has ended that chapter of her life.
and a different her has become alive.
she has seen how tough someone loved another one.
she has seen the amount of tears that someone has shed.
she has seen how much pain that someone has gone through.
she has come to realise, no matter how much you loved that someone,
he/she is always the one to let you down.
alone she stood at the field, facing her enemies alone.
she does not outnumber them,
nor has their capabilites,
nor has their weapons.
but none of her enemies has her willpower.
the willpower to fight every single of her enemy.
they have the willpower of one, she has the willpower of many.
may heaven above enlighten her and give her the strength to live each passing day.
live on my dear! i promise to hang on there with you.
cos no matter how tough things are going to get, i will always be there for you.
kudos to you for braving all the storms and fires. and kudos to my love for you.<3

good dae.

2006-11-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

first thing first, i am drunk.
lols. almost. had some wine.
attended a wedding dinner at some five start hotel in orchard.
wa the deco was like realli cool. lols. came late as we were stuck in a traffic jam.
however there were ppl later than us.
waited a long time till the dinner started.
wa guess wat is the first dish?
some lobster delux cold dish.
omg. so ex loh.. even the name sounds ex. haha.
next was shark fin and the usual menu.
was a pretty good and yummy dinner lars.

ok i know this sounds out of my mind. lols.

but one dae i wanna get married too! lols.

they had videos on display of the newly wed.

omg so nice.

both indoor and outdoor pics.

think they spent a bomb on it.

but realli veri nice.

it looks as if a fairytale has came true for them.

wa. k i am almost drooling here. haha. they looked so happie beside each other.

as if contented jus to spend this magnificant night together.=)

wa....0.o

and then when u get married, we gers willl get to wear all those gowns man.

and take so mani nice pics...

in the morning, went to sch for ycp.
only one comment.
total waste of time.
haha.
guys are rowdy.
and chew yihao's chocolate kenna eaten up at the speed of lightning. lols.
so rough loh.pushed me against the fence leh.=(

pretty wet dae todae.
last but not least, happy birthdae barron. lols.

photos to enjoy.

my sis and me <3

lovely uncle and aunt<3

lovely aunt and cousin<3

mischevious brothers<3

aunt and me<3

mummie and me<3

one big happie family!<3

ok i dunno why the rest cat upload. will try again soon ya?=) take care peeps.

1S06

2006-11-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

SRJC_1S06 2006

1s06 very own class video. enjoy.=)

nov has started and soon dec will come. so will christmas and finally,
a dae to mark the beginning of a brand new year.
and the end of this year.
an eventful year to begin with.
brand new sch with brand new friends in brand new class joining brand new cca.
everything was fun at the first three months.
skipping of lectures, running away from teachers who specially come out to catch those who skipped class, see the principal or phillip tan and immediately tucked in our shirts lengthen our skirts.
results came out after and so did posting. people began to leave and second intake was approaching.
new friends once again, with new class.
was admitted to 1s06. first impression was the class was filled with amkss ppl.
at the beginning, class 1s06 wasnt excatly an united class.
came in drips and draps. everyone had their own cliques.
unlike some other classes which had already been bonded.
despite all these, 1s06 came together nontheless.
as each class outing was being planned, it gradually increased in numbers.
at the start was only 9 people came.
as we get to know each other better, interact more with the rest,
we became wat was known as a class. a real true class. bonded and bonded.
the every last outing came with a full attendance and with a special guest of ms chew.
despite of all the tough times i had to chase all to come, and make sure they did mean it.
two words could only describe all. WORTH IT.
seeing all of you turning up one by one and enjoying urself at shawn's house made all my efforts worthwhile.
chan chin kheng.
chan ching sheng.
joel chong.
chong zhi qiang.
chua zhong ming.
kelly kho.
kua qing yu.
lee juexuan.
lee yang sheng.
lim lin wei.
jinxing.
desmond lim.
eunice lim.
ngian si hui.
ong li jing.
seah puay kun.
shawn.
tan hui fang.
tan su ling.
tham jun hua.
vendra soh.
sheng ming.
zhengzhi.
all 23 of you made 1s06 who she is todae. the top best class in the science stream.
looking forward to another year with all of you.
and once again, may we create history in srjc for the A levels' 2007. all the best to u all.
I LOVE 1S06/06!

lost

2006-11-08T23:49:00.000-08:00

OP. sucks to the max.
zz i dun want to talk abt it.. buti keep thinking abt it!!
argh!
have i change recently ma?
somebody suddenly commented.
think i become more emo this year. experience more.. feelings of human nature.
so sorry for this emo blog. but at times, i jus needed an output. yes i will try put happier stuff next time.
make all my readers happie?
i will try my best k.
certain things change ur outlook of life. experiences and lessons learnt.
i also didnt excatly notice i haf changed somehow. maybe cos in my mind is still going through all the same stuffs.

lost her way. pls get her back on track.

PW SUCKS

2006-11-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

PW.
the moe shld seriously remove pw. sucks to the core. destroy mankind's relationship and waste their freaking time.
zzz. wat i kp u. think i so free ar.-.-
pls loh. i where got dun care abt them lars.. u down there tok cok i there giving comments can?
u want sit there tok cok with other pw grp is fine with me. dun come on the pretext of saying u want to rehease.
tts realli the wasting my time lars. and since when u ever so on abt pw loh?
u never care lars. WR u got do annot? all rubbish work k.. everything all heck care heck care..
our grp DID put in effort k. but is always u put in the least. WR who did all the editing. u onli did ur part then dun care already. still sae i dun care abt others. ah pek got put in the most effort k.. onli a pity all end up wrong. u know the WR like the back of ur hand ma? u know how many ppl live in HDB ma? u know wats the excat area of singapore's land space annot? u know how mani percentage of waste is incinerated and how much is use landfill ma? u know how many sites of HDB areas are up for upgrading annot?
of course, u jus read the WR then can find out the ans liaos. but i jus ask u like tt u can reply annot? u know it all veri well annot? i do ok. why? simple ,cos i have been doing all the work! all the freaking work.
i dun care? i dun care i wont go do all the work le. i jus throw it all to u k. wtf.
u go check ur liang xin. who has been doing all the work? got even distribute ma?
u force to give up reheasal? u can rehease on ur own wat. no problem...wth.
u want talk to me abt who dun care. fine lars.
thank god tomorrow last dae liao.

holidaes

2006-11-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

SUNDAE.
wah. for once went out to shop for the entire dae. k lars. not shopping. jus walked around town.
looking forward to this coming sat. cos i haf dinner to attend! yay. 11 nov. which also happens to be smebody's bdae.
but he is having A levels. aww...
back to the dinner, means there is good food. oh my. hahas. who doesnt love good food?
and dressing up! lols.
but a veri sickening thing is that my fever keep coming back. but i finish the entire course of medicine liaos.
and the bump is still there, hurting. now the other side is starting to hurt too.. zzz. not a veri good start for the month. i still want eat my way through the holidays. hahas.
sad news. chingay will clash with common tests. oh freak. cant i even get a good SGC for once?zz. in the mist of considering.
another thing, op is in three daes time. and we haven had a proper reheasal.-.-
chi A is over. but.. dunno. been thinking much. maybe if i get a B4 and below i will conssider retaking it.ha. i am mad.
cooking rocks.
and i find some foreigners are getting way out of hand. k no offence. but if u want to get through can you pls sae jus two words? EXCUSE ME.-.- dun jus push ur way through. so rude.
whoo! christmas is coming. yay! hope this year would be a memorable one. seen the decos in orchard and other areas coming up. wa. i wanna sit the hippo bus. i wanna go to the zoo and the night safari.
lets haf another BBQ for christmas!! zz. later end up as the same state as i am now.
anyway to conclude.
i hope the holidaes will be good and fun. cos the first part of the year which obviously had passed wasnt excatly wat i would sae.... great times to remember. cos at the climax it always dropped immediately.
ya. so kinda like a wet blanket to my life.
looking forward to next year chinese new year too. cos grandaunt is comin down to sg. but this time the entire family plus a future addition to the family will be heading down!! yay! yippie!
samy's curry rocks. the fish head curry is damn nice. so is the mutton. everyone go and try k.
and ku-wishing-bo, haf no ideas how to spell, is also fantastic place to eat jap buffet. ex but i suppose i u can eat is worth the price. hahas. lots of great places to eat man. hotel asia too. the peking duck there is good.
hans at far east also seems to be the best out of the branches i eat before. lots of good places.=)
makes me real hungry now. hope i can be in chingay.
was realli looking forward to all the fun and tough times the com will be facing and sharing together. but...
and last but not least, S9 OUTING TO LOOK FORWARD TOO. MAKE IT THE BEST TIMO. haha.

BULL SHIT

2006-11-05T00:29:00.000-08:00

hypocrite. wat a bluff u are.
full of vulgarities and only know how to use tt freaking word.
but ur character sucks like shit.
flirting around only. finding fault with ppl around you.
showing attitude all around.
some problematic kid u are.
keep giving bloody excuses.
oh u can go rot in hell lars.
so easily bear grudges. u can flirt and others cant hor.
stupid ass.
i can only feel pity for him.

FOOL

2006-11-03T22:18:00.000-08:00

still on medication. yucks. every now and then keep feeling tired.
esp after taking my horrible-terrible-vegetable medicines.

love love love.
the whole world is abt love and romance.
tv, radio, mtv, song lyrics, story books, comics!
everyone is on the love tune. -.-
k fine everyone is in love, except for the outcasted me.
all the " i love you" and " as long as u are happie, i will be happie", etc.
ppl nowadays jus sae all these stuffs without meaning it.
ok i know they will argue that they realli mean it. but wat i am referring to is that it came from the bottom of ur true, genuine heart and soul.
i know some do.
but such a pity that the opposite sex always dun cherish it.
this is the way of things man.
either u die or i die. both cant co-exist at the same time.
then adam and eve shldnt exist in the first place.
k i am taking crap. i dunno wat to talk abt anyway.
i can onli see that as i go down the list of my msn messenger,
90% of the peeps' nic are all abt love.
sian.
they sae starting of a relationship, the first few weeks to months are honeymoon period..
the rest.. HELL.
omg ppl for goodness sake, cant u ever make something last for as long as they can in their sweetest and purest state?
ok even so, cant u withstand the ultimate test of love set by heaven above?
why cant anybody pass that freaking test!zz. kk i know i am nuts. since when i haven been so?

2006-10-30T01:29:00.000-08:00

confusion wraped her heart and mind.
misleading clues lead her to nowhere.
she was lost in a thick forest.
the sun is setting.
darkness setting in.
the surroundings engulfed her.
she didnt know where to start off.
she didnt know which road will lead her home.
or which road will lead her further into this maze.
her legs are worn and tired.
her stomach growling with hunger and thirst.
weariness covered her mind.
she couldnt see where she was going
or rather, where she wanted to go.

din

2006-10-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

actions u choose, consequences u don't

got this from ah pek's blog.
is veri true isn't it?
we can choose the way we think, we act, we infer
but no matter wat we do to haf the results we want, things doesnt turn out to be that way.
there are bound to be some "invincible external factor" that will change the way things are.
i also dunno wat is that.
luck?
destiny?
fate?
sometimes it is also the way other parties involved behave.
i cant confirm that things will turn out the way i want.
but i really did all i can to avoid the undesired.
a lesson learnt from previous experience maybe still hasn't taught me enough.
or maybe afterall i am fated to meet things this way.
two nights ago, was talking to yao guai.
then at night suddenly was emo again.
everything came rushing back.
all those memories.
if onli things were as perfect as it used to be.
things were back to wat it used to be.
or even better, if those memories didnt happen at all...
however, i know no matter how badly how desperate i want thins to be reversed,
it can never happen again.
things already happened. we have all made our choices. so i have to bear the consequences.
but haf u ever thot the decision i made was under the circumstances that i do not haf a choice?
to protect myself from further misery, i had to do things this way although i dun want to?
to small fish, u may think i am a selfish person who refuses to give all an equal chance and tt it is unfair to you, pls understand that i cant help it this time. i refuse to haf the same thing happen again. and this time, i haf to protect myself first. me!before anybody else. u may turn hostile towards me. maybe u cant help it.
but no one will ever understand wat i have gone through and am going through.

BBQ

2006-10-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

whee!
i am back to update more on outing.
first ice skating.
had fun. though was pretty short while tt i ice skate.
made zq fell twice! woot. and des fell once.
des!!made me fall also..zz. and when we were taking photos, wa the guys damn heavy lars. lean on the gers. lols. i couldnt take their weight. end up kneeling on the ice. was quite croweded btw.
hope they all had fun. came out with tired aching feet.
then we went to shawn's house fo bBQ!
woot. eat play talk and make noise!!
ms cew came for a while! yay man!
cut bdae cake.
then after some of us started to play heart attack.
woot damn fun.
tension was built up cos the gers were screaming and zq keep saying 1234 pass..
su even threw her cards across the table when someone shouted heart attack!lols.
damn exciting.
shall post some pics when i get them. tata. tts all for now.
any s6 peeps pls give some feedback.
btw i forget to eat the ice cream ms chew bought!!!

2006-10-27T00:24:00.000-07:00

27 oct 2006.
happie birthdae to monster.
hope he likes the present.although i haven given to him.
todae, or rather yesterdae was commendation dae.
woot! s6 received a huge and i meant realli huge hamper. filled with chocos!
yum.
william was like so sad his wasnt jus as big. lols. was a funnie sight.
then we headed down to ps to buy presents.
and as usual des is acting girly in public. haha.
cheer up des. dun let it get you down anymore!
later will be waking up at like 5 to bake cookies.
then heading down to jurong to ice skate!
yay! then BBQ! woot. looking forward to it! will report on the success rate later. lols.

and chew yihao pls ask me earlier cans?
not tt i dun want go out with u leh. u always ask wrong time. lols.

it is ur attitude tt will change ur life.

boring

2006-10-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

BOORING!

sian i am going mad.
so mani ppl dun want to come for class gathering!
so is it still considered a class gathering?
beginning still got ppl say confirm will go. how we gg to bond like tt?
all the jokers not coming for ice skating. qy cant make it for the BBQ
and i dunno the rest.. like ck joel...

suddenly find that my daily life has lost all its essence.
no fun. no happiness. nothing. jus empty.
i am not depressed lars.
i was jus looking through some photos like the sands of mission.
then i realise my smile then as compared to now looked more real.
like as though i was realli happie at that time.
but then now, i suddenly cant realli smile from the bottom of my heart.
but then again, those times were indeed different from the way things are now.
everything has turned an 180 degress within a flash of the eye.
i cant grasp anything right now.
i am still trying to get used to the way things are.
and how it will always remain like tt.
i could only stare and yet i cant do anything.
i know i sometimes am running away from reality.
but at least it brings a certain degree of comfort to me. and i mean avoiding the person.
not avoidng the facts.
des was saying things that you want to forget u cant and things that u want to keep within urself u eventually forget.
i cant agree more.
of course, things that hurts u the most and u want to forget them, they will always be craved deep within ur inner soul.
and things that you cherish, sometimes it will jus slip off ur mind.
i got a lot of entangled feelings within me. and i realli need to get them off my chest.
no sense of direction or aims to achieve.
i jus waiting mainly for chingay to start.
and holiday lectures.
and holiday homework.

u asked me wat i think of you.
but i cant answer for i dun even know who u realli are.

haze

2006-10-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

HAZE

stupid haze is still here.
and stupid pw is not over yet.
oo!! i cant wait till this coming fri!
pls come faster but dun end so faster either!!
i wanna prove myself to be strong.
i wanna prove that i can live without you.
i wanna prove to the world not to mess with me!
argh!

yay! fri gg ice skate. then having a BBQ.
but a pity not the entire class can turn up together.
as in some can come for this but cant come for that.
27oct. i dunno if things will still remain the same annot.
where we will talk under the moon abt anything.
laugh our hearts out and our butts off.
almost 8 years le!! time flies ya? and we have all gone through many things.
but will we still remain the same?

a quote from barry:
Jim Rohn: To every thing there is a season, and to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; …A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance…A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.

there is a time for everything.
but we are racing against time.
will we ever be in time ma?

the most cruel thing is to give false hope and only to take it away at the most critical moment.
first you gave someone life, then u jus pushed death straight into their face.
cos you didnt realise how much that person cherish that one glimsp of hope.
how much they wanted to be alive and how much they put their soul and heart into it.

2006-10-22T01:36:00.000-07:00

LIFE IS SO SO SO UNFAIR!

BUT I WILL FIND MY STRENGTH ONE DAE.
WAIT FOR ME.

ding dong bell

2006-10-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

ding dong~
i am back once again.
and another sat wasted.
feeling empty inside. with no sense of direction.
someone asked why i can still smile at this point of time.
then wat can i do?
bawl in front of the world and scold and curse that someone?
deep within my heart is a gushing rushing waterfall.
deep within me i realli want to hate that someone for doing this to me.
but can it solve the prob ma?
can it put back the broken pieces?
can it reverse back time?
can it pick me up from my fall instantly?
can things have a different ending?
i can onli wear a smile, so that i wont pass my saddness to others.
so that the one suffering retribution for her actions will only be me.
and not my innocent friends.
i know at tis point of time, i will be depressed, sad, sucidial or all those negative feelings.
but i also know one dae i will be able to be back to wat i was.
i am trying to control my emo.
and i pray hard that that very dae,
when i forget abt the past,
when i forget abt the pain,
when i forget abt my misery,
when i forget how unfair life can be,
when i forget how my heart once bled,
will come soon.
i will welcome it with my arms wide open.
and the brightest smile i can ever give.

if that is ur punishment for treating me this way,
then why am i suffering the same way as u do?
i didnt mistreat u or anything.
in fact i put my heart and soul into it.
but u, knowing well enough abt urself, led me on.
and onli now admitting the truth and ask me to hate u?
why now?
why didnt u jus stopped urself from the beginning and spare me this torment i am going through now?
why ask me to hate u now? and wat, make myself miserable?

a quote from someone:
if something is precious to you, even if you lose your life, with these two arms, you will protect it.

bleeed

2006-10-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

right.
here i am back again.
i am realli sorrie for the previous post. i know it is so.. emo depressed and stuffs.
=)
but i realli need an output at that moment.
everything was shattered at that every moment.
every image, thots, dreams, my faith in you.
i realli want to have you out of my life.
but at the same time i cant bear? wats this man.zzz=/

i am feeling pretty stress over pw. zzz
getting rather short tempered nowadays.
but heng i have no sudden outburst in sch. at least for now.
i need to be occupied during the nov and dec hols besides the usual " studying".
i need some stuffs to occupy my puny brain.
heng the hols is coming soon.
i can go out occassionally to unwind my freaking moodswings as defined by some.
i realli need a good break from my life.
i want to feel as carefree as ever.
with only problems regarding sch work. and no others.

life and death,
together and apart,
is all part and parcel of life.
i want to sae to my dearest friend teo tze yin:
ya i believe ur grandmother is at somewhere else feeling no pain.
i am sorrie abt the loss of her ya? but nonetheless i hope u can still smile that lovely smile of yours.
to brighten the world. =)
i sincerely wish all the best for ur family. ur dad, mom, sis and last but not least YOU.
although we are not friends who haven known each other for years and years,
my times in cedar has been wonderful because of you and the rest of the family.
so at the same time, if any of you sees this, i jus want to sae of u haf any obstacles in front of you,
hang on in there ya?
we may all get a little discourage at the beginning. so do i. but i believe one dae we will regain our faith.
lets jus pray hard that dae will come soon.

smthg to look forward to.
having a class BBQ at shawn house this coming fri.
finally! an activity to cheer me up?
hope we will have lots of fun. and take mani pictures.

a lonely figure walking down the shore.
kicking the waves
screaming into the sky
to tell god of her misery
and ask him to take them all away.
to mend all the broken pieces.
and pick her up from her fall.
piggy back her when she is tired.
to give her faith once again.
in life.
in people.

<3>

heartache

2006-10-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

i hereby declare christabel as in idiot! a freaking stupid idiot!
to believe everything she thought was true.
to believe everything was so perfect.
to believe she made the right decision.
to believe she met the right person.
to believe she was never wrong.
it seems not to be this way.
everything was way out of line.
everything was not as perfect as she thought it was.
she wasnt innocent. she wasnt navie. she was plain stupid. no other excuses.
her life sucks!!
argh. i realli want to scold the hell out of christabel now.
I REALLI WANT TO BOMB HER BRAINS OUT OF HER MIND NOW!!
I REALLI WANT TO KICK HER ASS NOW AND ASK HER TO WAKE UP!!
STOP LIVING IN A FANTASY AND START LIVING IN REALITY.
BLOODY FOOL! WHEN WILL YOU EVER LEARN YOUR LESSON!?
WILL U FCUKING WAKE UP FROM UR DREAMS!!?
ARGH!

the pain.
the heartache.
the misery.
the in-describle feeling inside her.
the truth hurts. realli hurts. hurts her to the core.
she feels herself breaking into a milion zillion pieces.
she should have sought the advices of her friends at the beginning.
she should not have followed her heart.
she should have followed her brains.
she should have followed reality.
but wat a pity,
for she already landed herself in such a pathetic state.
it is too late for remedy.
only in time for her to pick herself up.
she realli want to cry her eyes out now.
she realli want a car to run her down now.
she realli want to meet angel, a real angel to bring her up to heaven.
red stands for anger.
but here, red stands for the blood seeping out of her heart..

sick

2006-10-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

boo!
results all came flooding back todae.
felt darn proud of my gp onli. lols.
but gladly i shld be able to get promoted.
and i was kind of over excited. so anyhow shoot my mouth off and end up offending ppl. -.-
lols. wth.
and i pretty happie cos like a lot of my friends will be able to advance or promote! yay!
so we will still be pretty much seeing each other next year ya?! yay!!
anyway planning a class outing next week. having a bbq in the night. morning dunno doing wat. nthg much is veri confirmed though. but alot ppl has shown their interest. yay! must be a success. of not later ppl complain.=/
stupid pw is draining me out. i dunno why i simply have no time for chi!
the stupid haze made me sick somemore. darn. how to present.
damn stress. cant wait for the excat hols to come. which is like one year later.
cos hol still haf lectures, haf ogl camp, haf chingay!! simply no time.
and i must realli discipline myself. lols. tsk.

one last cry

2006-10-17T23:17:00.000-07:00

well.
the world is definitely changing. without i even noticing it.
haha.
appearances can be deciving all right.
beneath that pretty face of urs was actually a devil with a black heart. stunned*

talked to my son last night.
lols pardon me i got too mani family around.
we known each other for 11 years le. wa tts a pretty long time ya. haha.
we know each other so well that we exceeded the friendship and stuffs.
tts wat we call FAMILY!
been almost 2 to 3 months since we last met and talked.
last time we met at the esplanade watching the fireworks.
ya those times... are long over le.
talked for like.. 3 to 4 hours?
lols. we had lots to bullshit about.
talked abt this and that. glad to see u doing well in na.
and cheers up ya? lols. not worth it at all.=)

and bad news tomorrow is doom dae!
gonna get back all my results.
sian. hope chrismond will be right.
hope i can get promoted. darn is so scary. =(

and thanks to qy for sending me the zq video. lols.
rather fake but entertaining.

one last cry (for me) delicated to YOU
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus: One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry Cry......
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Repeat Chorus
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry
Repeat Chorus
I guess I'm down I guess I'm down I guess I'm down... To my last cry...

one dae, one life.

2006-10-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

wat if i onli left one dae to live?

i wonder wat god was thinking,
when he arranged things to happen this way.
ps no offence to anyone's religion. jus referring in general ya?
i think i will be damn shocked and sad.
one dae to live. so short.
there is still so mani things that i want to do in this world.
and i know i may start feeling full of remose. that i didnt cherish my past.
but honestly in the present when we dunno that we haf onli one dae left to live,
would we even reflect on our past? we wont even know we are dying and we continue to take things for granted.
they sae that when things are perfect, heaven gets jealous.
realli ma? isnt heaven somewhere where u can get watever u want?
if so, why is there a need to get jealous?
why is there a need to take away things that we want and love?
if i only left one dae to live,
i would wanna tell monster that i haf always loved him.the dae that he nearly died i know that i needed him.
i would wanna tell my friends that i loved them too and i would bless them from above.
i would thank god for giving me such a warm caring family.
i would wanna take a plane and touch the clouds.
i would wanna see a rainbow.
i would wanna eat candy floss. as much as i can.
i would wanna go down to disneyland. to see mic and minnie. and all my other fav cartoon characters.
i would wanna fly down to australia to see my grandaunt.
i would wanna ride a horse on a big green field.
i would wanna see the stars at night with monster.
i would wanna see the sunrise and sunset in his arms.
i would wanna walk down the beach barefooted.
i would wanna fly a kite.
i would wanna build the biggest ( not the longest) sandcastle in the world.
i would wanna take a cable car.
i would wanna take a parachute.
i would wanna ice skate in a big rink where snow flakes would fall gently over my head.
i would wanna walk down a stage where everyone would look at me.
i would wanna play with barbie. lols.
i would wanna go wake boarding.
i would wanna play fetch with a dog.
i would wanna swim with the dolphins.
i would wanna go down to the zoo.
i would wanna make jisaw puzzles.
i would wanna take the mattress and slide down the stairs.
i would wanna...
and the list goes on.
there is so much to do yet so little time.
i can realli fulfil all my wants ma?
i know i may sound like someone with a deprived childhood.
but thats where the innocence begins.
thats where the purest of character, laughter and happiness can be found.
no lies.
no fakeness.
no selfishness.
nthg.
jus the purest of the human nature.
where u can jus trust everyone...
where i can trust u...

sick

2006-10-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

throat pain
running nose
aching limbs
feeling hot and cold

FEVER! is coming soon...
tsk.sian.

todae went back to sch for the second half of the leadership programme.
so sian can..
everyone was like super tired.
got some super childish people also.. zzz.
and i think yihao and sharon realli make a perfect pair.. lols.
they realli veri pei he..
was laughing my butt off at their lame replies. hahas.
then rush home for tuition.
neo said that s6 100% pass..
yay!! well done s6.
and 83% got A and B..wa..
so i figured out that the remaining 100-83=17% has my share in it.
hais.
des got an E for chem. stunned the world.
hahas.
veri disappointed in the way things turned out to be.
gam ba tae christabel!
so tired and aching.

suay suay

2006-10-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with y our smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

ohwells. my life is definitely screwed up this entire year. studies, love, dreams and the list goes on.
6 is definitely not my fav no.
i hope 2007 wld be a better one.
with more wonderful memories, enjoyable times, fulfilling life.
everything happens for a reason.
but i simply cant comprehend them.
zzz.
i dun understand why need happen this way, or why need happen so mani times.
dun take things for granted.
i never did.
so why has things turned out this way?
i see the people around me picking themselves up after a fall.
yet why cant i do the same?
i cant control my mind.
is killing me.
in sch i had to pretend i didnt see u or that u were transparent and jus walk by.
life is such a contradiction.
things are getting too complicated.
and i am beginning to lose my control over them.
i wanna focus on studies. i need my "passport" to the uni. i dun want end up in the same situation as pri 6.
i dun want end up sweeping the roadsides.
i wanna fulfil my dreams. my passion. my interest.
i jus want things to go back to wat it used to be.
nthg else.
tts explains todae. 13 oct, fri. super suay dae.
to all jc2 good luck for the upcoming A'levels.

???

2006-10-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

todae is marking dae.
and the teachers jolly well know abt it.
yet tt sickening ho still ask us come sch to hand in the wr.
some of us were wearing slippers. so we couldnt go in. and to wait under the freaking hot sun.
we exceeded the word count and he was complaining there.
so we wanted to take it back to do some cancellation.
he dun allow!0.O
mon still said was ok.zzz.
make us late for outing.
reached ps mrt late. zzz.
des they all were already waiting.
lols.
headed down to paradiz centre to play pool.
lols.
had a bit of fun. played with des and again i own!
lols. actually is tyco de.. cos the last ball he always hit wrongly de..
haha.. 3 vs 2! yay!
zm keep foul. lols.
the opposite team had plentiful of free ball. haha.
he was there toking rubbish as usual and acting pro. lols. but he always make ppl laugh. haha.
the rest after went to play arcade.. lols.
nearly went crazy shouting.
then headed back to ps to eat bk.
then darn cs scam us to walk back to paradiz centre lars. lols.
his mouth ar.. too powerful le..
tts all for todae loh.
hais sch tomorrow.
why not give us an entire week off leh?
so tired todae leh.. legs aching.

holding onto the fact that i needed to love myself more
before i love others.

2006-10-12T02:01:00.000-07:00

hais.
i guess u must be hating me inside for being such a hypocrip or watever u spell it.
i realli didnt mean it.
but i was realli hurting within.
i needed to let it out.
is all in a fit of anger.
i can onli let it out in a waterfall.
i dunno how else to lessen my pain.
to a friend out there:
is realli lucky that u manage to find someone who loves u and is serious abt u.
u shld realli cherish it.
and so do him.
is not everyone's fortune to find someone perfect for them.

and to small fish if u ever read this:
i am so sorry.
i was wrong in both my judgement.
i am afraid to make another mistake.
pls dun wei qu urself.
i know u are a good person.
they both were as i thot in the beginning.
but i was so wrong in the end.
i ended up burning my fingers.
and burnt real bad.
pls, i dun want go through again.

i cant wait for later. gg to play pool with the others.

me

2006-10-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner.(some friends said i was crazy) Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with(yes i agree). The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person(like duh.but is all no use de). And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (nah my judgement has been terriblily wrong for all)

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships (OF COURSE) and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study (who likes to study?) but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (maybe it is time to change..)

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you. (but pls i dun anyhow accept ppl)
You really care about other people's feelings (everyone has feelings.so do i) and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves( lols. ask des abt this). You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with. (i will try to change ya?)
Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side. (no thanks. i wanna turn les soon)

You desire a love that will last forever (i can go and die. cos it will never exist. face reality). You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone(yes yes. although i haf to let go when i realli like him). Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

You are self-centered. People around you get tired of trying to please you all the time. You don't care how others feel and everything has to be done your way - this is why you don't have very many friends. Deep down, however, the real you is quite a nice person, and when you like someone, you can be very sincere. So try to think less about yourself and you will eventually be a more popular person. ( wa really ar? zz i must change for the better! so pls dun hate me?)

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends. ( yes i love my friends. =)they haf given me the greatest support in the most difficult situation i am now. and the greatest encouragements to make me feel good again and happie that it has actually happened.although i dun realli feel that way yet.)

You have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.

2006-10-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

yes
i thot we could be friends at least.
at least thats all i asked for.
but as mins passed i found myself hating u more.
is all in an anger of moment.
god pls take away my pain.
if not take me away.

dang

2006-10-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

fantasy?
tts wat everything is..
tts wat i believed in..
and tts wat that hurt me in the end..
STUPIDITY.
CHRISTABEL U ARE THE STOOPIDEST FOOL THERE EVER EXISTED IN THIS UNIVERSE!
argh.
why am i always so stoopid?
why do i always haf to land myself in such a state?
i hate myself.
hate my brain.
why so stoopid?
WHY SO STOOPID!??
by tonight,
when the clock strike 12
and i still see nthg,
i will give up le..
realli give up le..
like how i did in the past.
and given time,
i will pick myself up again.
and must brainwash myself never to land in such a shitty matter anymore. no more!!
ela___ sucks!!
so fake..
so flirt!
go and die.

poot

2006-10-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

another dae passed.
did ntg meaning?

samuel chi ba mei shi zhou...
come prank call me..
sian.
tts all?

i lost my direction in life.
someone give me a compass pls?

i want u back

2006-10-08T01:42:00.000-07:00

hais.
why must quarrel?
why cant we jus agree on smthg.

i hate the way u are behaving now
u think the others are more important that us.
but who is the one standing by ur side all the while?
qurelling jus made matters worst.
u realli think i want u to leave ma?
i hardly even get to talk to u these daes.
u always came back late.
tired from sch i dun want to fan u.
when i need help with my work i try to handle it myself before asking u.
at least 17 years of companion and u now sae u dun enjoy staying here?
that u wana leave?
that u were not happy all these times while?

where have all the innocent and fun times we had together disappear to?
u dun remember ma?
or is u jus choose to throw it away?

but i realli hate the way u are behaving.
are we realli not tt impt to u anymore ma?
will u not be sad if one dae i am to leave before u?
will u not be lonely when u leave here and be all by urself?
we even used to sae i wld take care of u when we grow old together.
i wld make delicious food for u each time u come back home.

i can still remember the daes we played together.
each time during holidaes,
when darren come over to stay,
we would take the mattress and climb to the top of the stairs.
then we would sit on it and slide down that long stairs. so fun.
we would play house.
cook fake stuffs.
and even open up a "mini supermarket" to buy and sell things.
we used monopoly money to do so.
we tore papers and crush them into tiny bits to sell as "popcorn"
can u not remember those fine times ma?

i realli want the old u back.
where we would lie in bed and talking abt anything under the sun.
where we would take lots of pics together.
where we would shop till we drop.
where we would talk and gossip abt our love life.
where we would tell some lame jokes and laugh our butts off.

if i need give up anything
i would
jus to haf u back with me.
i realli want the old u back.
where u would talk to me.

if u find this house so miserable,
tell me.
i will try make it a better one for u.
jus to have u stay here.

if i can buy back time?

if i can
i want buy back those times we had fun together,
and those times when i am free from misery.
and those times james would talk to me even.

press on!

2006-10-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

omg.
the haze is damn thick.
make me kenna swollen eyes.-.-
so pain and tired leh my eyes.
out of a sudden so free.
i didnt know wat to spent my time on.
busy thinking.
i also dunno think of wat.
anyway was watching full house.

seeing the pair of lovers so painful in the drama.
they loved each other yet
they had to be apart.

is a painful process to forget someone u love.
esp if u loved that person deeply.
and even more heartbroking to let him/her go,
to pretend u had never ever known them in this lifetime.
i dunno if i do annot.
but i know within is tearing apart.
delicated to guess-who if u see this:
all the best ya?
we all know from the start it is not going to be an easy task.
and we also know very well we are reluctant to do so
but in order to ease the pain and misery we are going through
we have no choice.
jia you no matter how hard the process will be.
like the baby in rob-b-hood,
i thot he was dying
and i suddenly felt wat a pity it was
for him to die so young and dun haf the chance to experience life.
the sweetness
bitterness
sourness
and spicyness.
and yet we had the chance to live on.
there are mani wonderful things in this world worth living for.
maybe we jus haven found it?
persevere on dude.
thats wat cedar taught me.
no matter how tough the odds are,
no matter how daunted it is,
no matter how mani times u haf failed,
no matter how mani times u haf tried,
as long as we haven succeed,
keep on trying.
dun let ur failure get u down.
dun let ur discouragement keep u from trying again.
when u feel like giving up,
tell urself not to.

and i will try my best as well.
life is worth living,
and i am sure we all wanna live a meaningful one.
so do i.
jia you.
to anybody who is facing difficulties ot there,
jia you too!

boo!

2006-10-06T23:53:00.000-07:00

i jus wanna sae
mid autum festival is a great time to bond with ur family.
most lovely if u can admire the moon with ur loved ones.
=)
cos is rather romantic.
carrying lanterns in the night,
walking along the streets with ur hands interlocked,
the slience hanging in the atmosphere jus saes it all that u wanna sae.
fantastic night.
go figure.

and i am in love<3!!
yayness!
matthew u haf given me the meaning to live.
the determination to survive all odds.
hope i can overcome all obstacles in life no matter how hard they will be.
cos life will then be worth living for.
thanks!
muacks to darl!
i love ur eyes.
so attractive!

new life. brings new joy

2006-10-06T20:18:00.000-07:00

guess wat?
whee!
exams jus ended todae.
finally....

yet i jus cant seem to feel that sort of after exams excitment.
feel a little empty instead.
like out of a sudden there is no need to study le..
and of course..
worrying for my results to see if i will pass annot..

hais life is indeed full of worries..

anyway after paper,
went down to town with qingyu suling sihui cs des and eunice.
on the way we took the same bus with s09 peeps.
lols.
chew yihao guo ran is chew yihao.
carrying some o-biang plastic bag. lols.
and with his funnie looking shoes on him (tts on him only of course, lols)
he realli look like an ah pek wanna-be.
lols.
even the REAL ah pek also more cool sia. lols.
almost all were busy suaning him on the bus.

then we took nel to ps then to somerset.
but su wanted to top up her ez-link card so we went to the top up machine.
chiam!
the card got stucked.
cos it has folded ends.
finally i managed to flick it out with a pin.
ha!

we bought tics to watch rob-b-hood at cine.
then we had our.. early lunch lars at pasta-mania.
sam fong later came to join eunice who wont be joining us as usual.. lols.
went to take neo-prints. lols.
after we selected the machine, qy wanted to go mirror to see her reflection.
lols. ger ma.. so al the gers went to check our image.
lols. and cs and des was at the back saying we were so vain and stuffs.
BUT they themselves were waiting behind us to get a view of their own lohs...
still sae us..
lols. guys are becoming more vain pop.
not sae a bad thingy lars..
jus lost their manly image.
haha!

and the baby in rob-b-hood is super cute.
omg. his eyes are realli.. mi ren!!
the show was hilarious.
but has its sad moments as well.
nearly cried sia~
hahas. but over all was realli enjoyable and exciting.
some parts can laugh ur worries away.
i love u mattew!!
ppl like u jus make me wanna live on..
to see the beauty of life.
omg. i now considering to be a confinement specialist next time. lols.
or a baby nurse.

after that we walked a bit at hereen.
so much has changed and yet i didnt know.
shows how long i haven been to orchard already.
=)

after promos le..
i duno wats running through my mind now...
so mmuch time to think of so mani suffs.
and i finally able to write a full entry le! yayness!

2006-09-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.On Monday she gave each student his or her list.Before long, the entire class was smiling."Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments. No one ever mentioned those papers in class again.She never knew if they discussed them after class with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends.One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin.The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her."Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes."Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him."Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.""I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her purse and showed her frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times, " Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists." That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important.Tell them, before it is too late...
it is by fate that our paths crossed each other.
and by chance that we became friends.
by luck that we get along veri well.
and by carelessness that we slip past each other again.
each of u entered my life.
some left only faint marks.
while others left a deep imprint.
some left bruises behind.
while others left scars.
no matter what u haven done in my life,
no matter how u have influenced me,
no matter how u have left behind,
i still wanna thank god for letting our paths meet.
for being aquintted with u.
to all my friends or foes if i haf any..
thanks for being part of my life. i had my ups and downs.
but nontheless some of u stood by my side when i needed someone.
some of u encouraged me forward.
some of u gave me great advices.
some of u lent me ur ears to pour out my sorrows.
no matter wat u have done,
BIG or small,
i wanna thank u.

bleach

2006-09-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

hellos.
i am back. yes once again.
jus cant keep my hands off.
heh.
chrismond keep telling me out of the league and stuffs.
lols.
honestly i dunno.
i dun think highly of myself either.
love is blind afterall.
sometimes the person we seek will be the one that hurts u the most.
you claimed that u hate tt person forever.
yet deep within u keep asking urself why u deserve it
why did the person treat u this way.
all the moments we spent together meant nthg to u?
all the words u said to me u didnt mean it at all?
and when i start to get the hang of things u may come back all of a sudden to sae u want me back.
i cant read ur mind. i cant understand ur actions.
i was stupid for a while.
my heart's bruised.
was i even loved by u?

some randomness.
yayness.
i miss my recess gang. and my dicky family. miss u all lots.
and i also missed someone whom i hadnt talked in ages.
guess he is now busy with his gf tt he hasnt had time for me.
9 years of friendship and is jus good bye like tt ma?
without a word and u left me alone.
alone in this brutal world.

random

2006-09-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

whee!
less 2 papers. gp and chi.
gp i think was a total screw up. had no idea wat i was writing. but i felt great while doing the aq. hahas.
chi was average. hais.hope can make it. if not cheng is so gg to kill me.
looking forward to 6 oct nonetheless. yay! end of promos.
gg airport to study with monk tomorrow. lols. hope i will get down to serious business. i meant studying.
been totally distracted jus before promos. i dun want it to cost my studies. i wanna mug.
i love studying. but i hate exams. lols.
anyway found a total new way to meet friends. lols.
i am starting to get the hang of the way things are now.
i dunnos.
jus getting used to it lars.
and after promos i am gg to party like mad.
then study for chi and prepare for pw.
fools we are. hahas.
love is such a crazy thing. brings u happiness.
yet at the same time it can make it fall hard.
fall hard to face reality.
true love exist?
i have my reservations.
the meaning of love?
i have no idea.
memories make up the best part of human lives?
lols. i sometimes realli wanna laugh my head off.
i feeling kinda random now. i also have no idea wat i am typing.
read a friend's blog.
cos of him she is able to love again.
wat abt me?
and to" guess who" if u are reading this, i look totally ugly k! lols. ming ku. no choice.
man u guys must be having stamps pasted on ur eyes. lols.

2006-09-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

You Are An Understanding Girlfriend!

You care about your guy, so much that you tend to put him first
And while this makes your relationship smooth, sometimes you let big things slide
Still be your understanding self, but if something really bothers you - let your guy know
He'll still want you, even if you occasionally disagree

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

out of reach

2006-09-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you

Out of reach,
so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
couldn't see
We were never meant to be
Catch myself from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy every day
I know I will be OK

But I was So confused,
my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you
Out of reach,
so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
couldn't see
We were never meant to be
So much hurt,
so much pain
Takes a while to regain what is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
you'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you
But now I'm So confused,
my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you
Out of reach,
so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
couldn't see
We were never meant to be
Out of reach,
so far
I never had your heart
In my reach,
I can see
There's a life out there for me

nice song(:

2006-09-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaSmikcBod0&mode=related&search =

realli touching mv. got it from ah pek.

jus had a talk with some peeps.
and thanks to const ya?
the world is cruel after all.
being the nice one gets u nowhere i suppose.
giving in too much also no good.

promos coming.. not getting anywhere still though. hais..

letting go....

terrified.

2006-09-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

now is like 11.30am. and i am still at home?0.O
didnt go sch.. no mood sick.. aand all the other excuses...
hais. i now standing alone in this battlefield. lg can no longer support me.
he also gave up on me already i guess?
suddenly my life is so... cold... unfeeling.
i find no significant meaning?
i guess is i zhi zhou zhi shou...
since i digged the pit myself i will fall into it sooner or later.
and i did.
but no one can really understand wat i feeling inside.
is more than wanting someting and not being able to have it.
is more painful than tt.
is more excurating...

but i can onli blame myself...
is i overlooked that flaw btwn us..
despite all the times we had, when u suddenly brought up the topic, i jus snapped.
i lost control.
and once again i found my heart in pieces on the floor.
second time le..
i realli am stupid. i let history repeat itself.

2006-09-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

hais. i jus got back from sch.
my mood is realli going crazy. one minute i am so jolly wolly and boom! suddenly my mood turn 180 degrees downwards.i seriously feel like dying. i dunno why either.
i find no meaning in living in such a troubled world.
yes i know there are things worth livng for. but... aiya i jus dunno lars.
is making my life miserable. the urge to cry. the urge to die. overwhelming.
wish i didnt know u. wish i cld turn back time to 3 july. i wish i wish...
i wish for a hell lot of things.
i am realli sorrie i cant give u wat u want. is realli tearing me apart. i was never torn this way.
but little did i expect history to repeat itself. i thot i was over that barrier. who knows that i haven.
pls god take my pain away. i am realli dying inside. my thots are all negative.
i realli cant take it the way i am now. i want back the same old jolly me. where i can bring joy to others.

but i also wanna thanks all those who had been supporting me since the beginning. esp laogong, chrismond, angel and so mani more. i realli apprciate wat u have done for me. thanks a million.=)

LOLOLOVE

2006-09-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where I find the answers
And I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream
And I know just where I touch you
And I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
And I know the time’s gonna fly
And I’m never gonna tell you everything I gotta tell you
But I know I’ve got to give it a try
And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to pain
I know all the rules and then I know how to break’em
And then I always know the name of the game
But I don’t know how to leave you
And I’ll never let you fall
And I don’t know how you do it

Making love
out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all

Everytime I see you, well the rays of the sun are all
Streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
Like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum and it’s lost
And it’s looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the deep of the night
And turn it to a beacon burning endlessly bright
I gotta follow it ‘cause everything I know
Well, it’s nothing ‘till I give it to you

I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
And I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise that’s ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone
But I’m never gonna make it without you
Do you really wanna see me crawl ?
And I’m never gonna make it like you do
Making love
out of nothing at all
Making love
Out of nothing at all...

making love out if nthg at all-air supply

preserve!

2006-09-17T00:53:00.000-07:00

hais.
i am so tired.
yet i cant sleep at all.
so mani thots keep running through my head.
ohwells.
big thanks once again to laogong and jx. realli gan dong by both of ur actions.
and thanks to laogong for all your wonderful advices. realli glad to have this laogong. lol.
and also thanks to ANGEL. nonetheless of watever happens u are always there to cheer me up. thanks a million.
thanks for the straw star and heart. cant imagine u giving me tt since u werent in sch. came as a wonderful surprise.
anyway i will cherish all the little actions u have done for me. realli gan dong too.
=)
whenever u are down u can always find ur true friends. i did.
i realli feel useless. keep getting beaten by all these matters. when to others it may not be even a prob. haha.
shows u how weak i am le ba. ohwells. i am stupid and navie. wat to do?
promos is realli near le. yet still not as prepared. i must jia you. i must show him he used studying was an excuse. YES!
and to someone: i suppose u dun care le ba? if u do care pls show it i cant read ur mind. and if u realli realli care u would definitely change. and if shld u realli make the same mistake again, i will realli lose all my faith in you. pls dun make empty promises to me. i cant stand ppl making empty promises when i realli do take promises seriously. furthermore the person is you. i dun ever know if u will read this. but i realli want you to know that i meant everything i did. u asked wat i wanted? but i couldnt ans u at that time. cos wat i wanted you couldnt give at all. so there is no purpose in saying. is not tt u dun haf the ability to give. jus tt u refuse to give. do u know how much u are hurting me? but i wont stop. i wanna go on till one dae nothing can bring me down. i wanna go on till i succeed in wat i want. till the dae i die.
at the most i live the rest of my life without my heart. but with my willpower and soul.
yes christabel. kam-pa-tae~~

dun play play..

2006-09-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

kaoz.
dun kp with me loh..
scold 1s06ians BITCHES and SLUTS..
is obvious scolding the gers loh.. kaos u can go and die lars..
who give a damn abt u...
is not ONLI the gers who jeer at u lars..pls loh..
be HONEST hor..
the guys from ur clique also got some jeer u. somemore louder than the gers.. then why come JACK we gers onli..
kaos. fuck off.
and i DIDNT jeer u hor.. dun kp with me on msn.
u had enough i also had enough hor..
come show me attitude on msn.. kaos.
think i dun get angry ar?
go jump off lars.. i also GOT MY LIMIT HOR...

i have lost the battle.

2006-09-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

haiz. wat is the ue of signing into msn when i pratically blocked everyone?
ha! cos i am STOOPID.
i admit i am.
zm sae he is the joke of the dae.
but
i am the joke of a lifetime.

a living joke. to bring fun to people and later get thrown aside.
hate urself? HA.
if u hate urself u would do all means to make urself a better man so tt u can love urself even more. PLAIN EXCUSES.
and PLAIN STOOPIDITY.
i thot i have learnt my lesson. i haven.
i thot u were different from someone. i was wrong.
why?!
i haven committed any crimes in my life.
i dun smoke
i dun drink
i dun take drugs
i dun haf s*x
i dun flirt around
i dun play with other people's feelings
i dun skip school
i do my homework
i study for my tests
i do revision for my tests and exams
i dun talk back to teachers
i have never once stepped into the principal office
i was never late for sch in my 17 years of living
i didnt break any serious sch rules
i stayed at home most of the time
i hardly hang out till the wee hours with my friends
i always go home for dinner

SO WHY?!!!
why do this to me?
why inflict me with such pain?
i haven been a bad girl.
i dun deserve such treatment.
if being a good ger gets such treatment,
then maybe i have to be bad afterall....

life is unfair i agree.
but i think i had more than my share of this misery.
is it only when i cry myself blind will u then let me go?
is it only when i die can i then free myself from this treatment?
if so i will go to the kitchen take a knife and stab myself right now.
they sae dun let obstacles pull u down. get on with it.
but this time i realli can no longer stand up again.
i admit defeat for once.
u got me down. and i cant stand up anymore.
wats the use of asking me wat i want when wat i want can no longer exist?

MEN! realli.... tsk.

2006-09-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

zz. wats the world coming to?
men are getting more petty leh.. and women are beginning to rule the world.. zzz..
men losing their "MAN" image...
some rather TRUE stuff abt men...

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him
If u Don't , he says u are from VILLAGE.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT .
If u don't L ove him, he tries to POSSESS u
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!& sooo hard to please!!!!!

wth..zzz.. wats all of ur problems?no offence to guys reading this.. but someone jus made me rather unhappy.. so petty over a small thing cans... not nan ren at all lars.. still claim wanna protect woman species....wth.
exams stresss is killing me.. hais. i think i am turning a bit.... "negative"
go figure!

$_$

2006-08-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

woah! nice cheque hor!LOL. sixty-five thousand ONLY!!!

laughter is the best way to go...

2006-08-30T21:16:00.000-07:00

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking on the beach. Justin said, "Hey Britney, look at that dead birdie!"
Britney looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"
____________________________________________________________________

Free Drinks! Free Drinks!
A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8.
"But I already paid you! Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "if you said you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Some time later, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his ass...."
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

__________________________________________________________________________

Cloak & Dagger
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. Then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room.
He was now completely naked in the halls of the headquarters of the most powerful military organization on the planet. And he felt pretty ridiculous.
Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until he reached the Research & Development laboratory. He walked in and saluted the Head Scientist.
"I am here to report the partial success of the personal invisibility device!"

___________________________________________________________________

The Burned Ears
A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...''''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.''How do you think I called you people?''

___________________________________________________________________

CIA test
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!” The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
___________________________________________________________________

Ba Ba Black Sheep
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
___________________________________________________________________

some jokes to cheer up ur dae!(:

the way it is

2006-08-27T22:22:00.000-07:00

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl : *hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it onyourself? It's bugging me.
Girl: Alright, now slow down
Guy: I love you babe
Girl: I love you too, please just slow down now!Please...

(in the paper the next day):A motorcycle had crashed into a building
because of brake failure.
Two people were on it, but only 1had survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke,
but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

when u landed in the hospital, my heart nearly stopped.
i was afraid.that you would leave me all alone in this cruel word.
i begged for god not to take u away.
i was willing to be the one lying there. feeling the pain for you.
i couldnt live without u.
i needed u by my side.
i wanted u by my side.
i so badly want to rush to your side to comfort u. and hear u tell me tt everything is gg to be alright.
but despite wat i did to haf u by my side, u were taken away by her.
i was sad.
i was sore.
but u were happy over there.
wat can i do?
i was hurting inside and looking happy outside.
u didnt know.
cos u thot i didnt love u.

they said when u haf found ur the other half is akin to finding ur missing bone.
and now i am living like a terminally ill patient.
cos i can never find my "bone" anymore.
i am dying as days pass me by...

the way it has to be

2006-08-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

man are selfish creatures arent they?
we always want to get the best for ourselves.
yet wat we end up with is not wat we had been pursuing for, and rather wat we have been avoiding.
we always want things to go the way we want.
yet we selfishly denied others of wat they realli deserved.
is this the way things are going to work out in the future?
do we realli haf to suffer togther? eh.wait.
the one ending up suffering the most is YOURSELF.
wat a joke of my life.
willing to sacrifice for others. and hurting urself instead.

byexz

2006-08-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

hello peeps.
jus here to post a notice tt i wont be blogging le...
so take care!!

time and tide waits for no man...

2006-08-12T16:47:00.000-07:00

i-learning dae was yesterdae.
met up with suling, ching sheng, desmond, junhua, shengzhi and eunice to do all the online quizzes at pc bunk at ps there.
wa we spent like how long to do all the quizzes lars.. nearly 5hours?!
but was rather cheap loh..
after we went bk at ps to eat. everione was super hungry cos we didnt eat anything at all till then.
then we went to paradiz centre to play pool. had lots of fun.. lol. had a deal to play more after the promos.
city hall was jammed btw. lots of ppl went to see the fireworks i think. nt bad.
and i think i made a terrible step last night. i dunno why. i jus couldnt stop myself.
here some pics of 8 aug at ecp!

//~`^ .you all never fail to bring joy to me.^`!//

//~`^.united we stand, divided we fall.^`~//

//~`^.in the midst of the large land, i search for my happiness.^`~//

//~`^.my time perspiration effort blood accomplishment.^`~//

//~`^.eating is a paradise for me.^`~//

//~`^.this is pricless. time is priceless.and it took us 2 daes of hadwork.^`~//

//~`^.xiaobelz and xiao botak.^`~//

ECP

2006-08-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

woke up at 1 plus this morning to do my stupid gp. slept for onli 3 hours ad woke up at 5.30. shared a cab with shengzhi and sihui down to ecp.
yay! sands of mission finally is taking off le. i feel so accomplished when i saw my craving again. was pretty stress during the sandcastle building. cos the j2 refuse to listen. i keep telling them lars then think they scold me tt i got a bad mouth. WTH.
think my area was the most lan de. even desiree gave up talking to them lars..
YAY! pegasus won k.. whoo. we are the best.
after that had lunch at ecp hawker food centre. lol.
me qingyu su cs des and shengzhi shared a hell lot of food lars.
satay, fried oyster, duck rick, coconuts. wa eat till damn shiok.
after that didnt went out with them. tried to "fly" some seagulls. didnt work.
and mao go throw my sippers into the water lars!!! u kuku!lol.
got damn wet. pushed me in somemore.lol.
k i admit i threw his slippers first. BUT IS WASNT THAT FAR!
he threw mine like super far lars.. wth.
was suppose to wait for "this person". said ok that will meet me.
IN THE END??!!!
wth. make me wait so long then didnt come at all. fine loh.. watever.
and i was crazy. cos i was bu shuang. so i walked from ecp area E all the way all the way to tao nan there lars. wth. is freaking far. but my legs brought me there somehow?
i got so angry on the bus i start to blah blah a bit...-.-
next time if u wanna go play jus tell me. is fine with me.
jus dun last min ps me. I HATE PPL PS-ING ME.
took quite a no of pics. will post it some other time.

pressing on

2006-08-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

self determination!!

whoo! s6 top the level again. but still is sad case. cos i not among those top.
heh=X still gotta try harder. i am so tired from trying so hard le. yet is still not enough. hais. when is it then sufficient?no idea.

now everyone is mugging hard. so am i. am so tired realli. yet still i die die need to hang on there. JIA YOU!

beginning to isolate myself everytime in class.
i know there are so many ppl who are kind and concern abt me. i realli thank u all for that effort.
but realli....
i am realli tired to go repay it.. or watever u sae.. like notice it?
i feel like i got so mani pressing matters to do. yet i am running out of time. i am jus brushing by so mani ppl nowadays. even those who i am close with.

my world is turning lonely.
isolation is my solitude.

facts of life.

2006-08-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl.
This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl.
Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, hisfuture didn't seem too bright, they were very happy together.
Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never comeback.
She also told him that she cannot visualize any future forboth of them, so they went their own ways there and then...
Heartbroken, the guy agreed.
But when he regained his confidence, heworked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself.
Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company ..
You never fail until you stop trying.
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rainwalking to some destination.
Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched.
It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents.
With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan.
He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car,condo, etc. .
He made it!
What he saw next confused him, the couple waswalking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...
and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone
and he saw his paper cranes right beside her...
Her parents saw him.
He asked them why this had happened.
Theyexplained, she did not leave for France at all.
She was ill with cancer.
She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because,
if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...
he can take some of those back with him...
Once you have loved, you will always love.
For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.
The guy just wept...
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with herever again.........

is a sad sad dae. realli forced myself to be heartless.
didnt like it at all.
but i realli had no choice.
loving someone doesnt mean u need to heve them by ur side all the time.
even when u realli loved someone, u dun want tt person to stay by ur side.
each and everyone of us has our needs.
our own thinking.
our own strategy in life.
and sometimes we are being forced to do things that we never wanted to do.
the impact we inflicted on others is not wat we wanted it to turn out to be.
in fact sometimes the impact we inflicted on others had a double dose on us.
even though u know u loved that person, u still haf to painfully pretend that you do not like him at all.
u have to heartlessly push him aside.
we haf no choice in life. we jus haf to follow fate.
the cruel fate.

a small action brings a greater impact.

2006-07-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

a rather.. exciting dae? more of the contary.
i feel so guilty.
i feel so xin ku within.
i realli didnt wanna hurt anyone.
end up hurting everi single one involved.
i realli didnt mean it. i never wanted to do this. but i realli haf to.
having to do it twice in a dae is realli a burden.
double the pain.
double the guilt.
double the tears.
double the loss.
why did things ended up like this?
i realli didnt want this to happen.
pls forgive me. pls.
i am in such mess.
i totally screwed up my life.

worn out. drained.

2006-07-30T23:37:00.000-07:00

hello peeps.
i know.
i know.
been aes since i last logged in to update this dead dead blog.
been busy with a lot of stuffs.
work and work and work... with love and friends and the list goes on.
oh wells. i guess that is life?
i realli hate my life. so many complications although maybe that is wat others would want or their entire life.
been feeling tired with all the heavy work load and problems i have encountered.
was sad didnt manage to get into the organising committee of the road race.
oh wells.
des was realli a living joke. he some sort of wanna jump out of the door. u know skip out of the room lars. he pushed the door opened. BUT IT DIDNT OPEN AT ALL! GOT STUCKED! lol. end up he banged real hard against the door. lol. was realli funnie. laughed my butt off.
and pw on sat. ah pek ar realli is ah pek k.. anyhow do de.. afte he left we found out he anyhow do.. wa. lol
and zhong ming was full of crap lars. lol. but was entertaining nonetheless. lijing laughed like mad. and keep suaning him. lol.
played minesweeper with zhong ming again. and still won him as usual. lol. 3vs1.yay!
he ar.. always so suay. lol.
went nlb to sudy with angel todae. ha a rather funnie time leh. keep suaning angel. lol.
wanted to share presents for constantine. however due to some reason ended up not sharing. nvm. anyway wanna wish constantine happie birthdae here.
HAPPIE BIRTHDAE DUDE! STOP ACTING DAO TO ME K!=) best wishes.

sands of mission.

2006-07-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

hadsandcastle building training yesterdae. wth i went to bedok mrt at 1 when we suppose to meet at 2.30?! stood for nearly 2 hours at the bus stop...zzz. ck msged me sae got tics to go watch ndp preview. so i accepted it. asked a few others along. had fun building sandcastle. honestly was tough. failed a couple of times before we finally succeeded. heH. cheers to desiree and me. we succeeded! yay! went to watch ndp. fireworks was nice. but by the time we went is like finale? lol. still not bad lars.. went haf dinner at hougang then went home loH..